


Death and other circumstances

by cow_cookies



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Inspired by Ghost (movie), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-04-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:09:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23413606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cow_cookies/pseuds/cow_cookies
Summary: “Get yourself together, DiNozzo. I’m not going to take your shit anymore.” Gibbs said and his gaze pierced my mind.This was planned as a crossover with Ghost... have a look inside to see how it worked... ;)
Relationships: Anthony DiNozzo/Jethro Gibbs
Comments: 20
Kudos: 159





	1. My Death

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note: This was planned to be a crossover with Ghost but actually I now stick to inspired by it because the end product is more different than I expected. Anyway I hope you enjoy it and you are not too mad that I killed someone.  
> In this story I tried a different style of writing, so be lenient, please. It is just an experiment...
> 
> Kudos and comments are always welcome!  
> I’m sooooo curious what you think.
> 
> Thanks for betaing to mianmaru!
> 
> Disclaimer: As always I only own the words written and my interpretation of the Ghost-story. No intention to steal or make money with this, even though it would be nice. :)

#  My Death

The last day of my life started like most do lately. I got up with a mighty hangover and stumbled into the shower. The face that greeted me from the foggy mirror as I left the warm spray was worn down and in need of a good shaving. 

I didn’t like the way I looked but couldn't help it. I couldn’t stay away from the drinks nor from the women I hooked up with and dumped as soon as the fun was finished. 

I ignored the signs. I just gave in and wasted every second of my life. 

At this point I didn’t know why I was doing what I did. I just felt the urgent need to flee, to get lost in the lulling feeling of alcohol and leaving my life outside the door of the next bar or club. 

I groaned deeply as I moved my neck in front of the mirror. I knew in brief sober moments that I was going to die if I went on like this but I actually didn’t care. 

After I dressed like a decent human being I headed towards the yard. Towards a new day of corpses, reports and head slaps.

Just in time for the opening elevator doors, I glued my trademark smile onto my face and walked into the bullpen. It was empty except for Gibbs at his desk.

“DiNozzo, where have you been? We have a new case!” Gibbs barked without looking up and I suddenly realized that I hadn’t switched my phone back on after last night's woman. I was sure her name was Sindy, Candy, Sandy... anyway something with a y. 

I turned on my phone while Gibbs glared at me over the monitor on his desk. 

“Never be unreachable! Next time you are out of my team.” Gibbs growled and I was surprised how little I cared about this threat. My phone started to beep, showing me several notifications about missed calls and unread messages. 

“So what did I miss?” I asked, my smile still glued in place. Gibbs eyed me for long torchering moments while I desperately hoped he wouldn’t see through my mask. 

“Stolen top-secret missiles, several dead Marines, some injured.” Gibbs grunted. He threw a case file onto my desk as I was about to tuck away my badge and gun. 

“What?” I cried out in total surprise. I had expected a homicide or maybe a murder but not a case of national security. Gibbs had already walked up a part of the stairs and into the direction of MTAC. 

“Get yourself together, DiNozzo. I’m not going to take your shit anymore.” Gibbs said and his gaze pierced my mind. It wasn’t anger, it was way worse. It was resignation. 

I felt bail rise to my throat and forced out a small “Yes, Boss!”. I sat at my desk thinking about the encounter seconds ago and fear creeped up my spine. Gibbs was way too calm, way too uninterested in my misbehaviour. He should have been outraged, threatened, violent. I mean, I just missed the start of a pretty important investigation. National security and so on. I felt like he had given up on me and I couldn’t help but be scared to the bones. 

I read the case file. 

Two new short-track missiles for test and training purposes were stolen on their way to Naval Air Station Patuxent River. Unknowns had shot a tire of the truck transporting the missiles, forcing it to stop. Four Marines were shot, the rest got strikes to their heads. 

I read the details of the attack.

It was a street out nowhere of Maryland. A hill on one side, good position for a sniper to shoot the tire and some Marines. On the other, there had been some bushes and behind that pasture, ideal to hide and good to overview from the hill. 

As always first questions conquered my mind. 

Why were some of them shot, others just beaten? How did they know the truck would come this way? How did they even know about it? Who needs missiles?

“Tony.” McGee said kind of surprised next to me. “I thought you would be dead by now. Considering Gibbs’ mood as we couldn’t reach you.” He sat down behind his desk, looking at me with pure interest. 

“Actually I was surprised, too.” It felt like I did a poor job in hiding my current emotional state but Tim just shrugged his shoulders and smiled. “You are a lucky man today!” 

I subtly breathed in deep. Thank god my mask was solid. 

“So fill me in, probie. What have you got?” I smiled at McGee and he started to spill all the details. 

“The witnesses told us it was a group of four or five plus the sniper. After the flat tire, the driver of the truck and the security agent were about to change it as the guards got executed. The attackers spoke fluent english, so we think they were no foreigners. Anyway the driver and agent got a strike to the head and got unconscious. The attackers transhipped the missiles and vanished. That's basically it till now.”

I leaned back and thought about the facts. Something bothered me but I couldn’t quite grab it.

“Who was the security agent?” I asked as McGee was already absorbed in his computer. 

“That would be me, Tony.” A familiar voice answered and as I turned to see where it was coming from I spotted Stan Burley behind me on the stairs. A warm feeling spread in my body. 

“Stan! So good to see you!” I exclaimed as he came down and towards my desk. We hugged briefly. 

“Same here!” He answered as we let go and I eyed the dressing on his head. A bit of blood had leaked through the linon and stained it dark red.

“Are you able to work?” I inquired.

“Sure thing. I need to get the bastards!” Stan returned with a smile. Gibbs walked by and my gut turned into knots as I saw him touching Stan’s arm while he passed. Burley gave him a short smile and turned his attention back to me.

“Are you sure _you_ are able to work? You look awful, man!” He scrutinized me and I felt in the spotlight. Gibbs’ gaze didn’t help either. Perfect, now I had two scrutinizing pairs of eyes on me. 

“Of Course! Don’t let the frontside fool you.” I winked and Burley smiled broadly. 

“Good then let’s start!” Stan looked around as if he was more than eager to begin. 

I couldn’t help but hate him. I hated the way he was so energetic even after he was just beaten just a few hours ago. I hated the way he and Gibbs dealt with each other, so close and nearly loving. I hated the way Gibbs looked at him. This was a gaze I wouldn’t earn in years. I hated the way he got along with McGee and Cait. I hated all of this. Damn this guy, damn all of them.

The day went on way too slowly for my liking. It was filled with research and following small traces, waiting for the forensic reports and the infos Ducky had for us. It felt the time stretch endlessly and from minute to minute I had more trouble ignoring the good chemistry between _them_. I longed for a drink and the soft and warm skin of a woman under my hands.

I saw Burley flirt with Cait and joke around with McGee and more than once the little touches and smiles between him and Gibbs. 

At the end of the day, I was just plain furious. This guy needed to go. 

From time to time I snapped at him or just growled about some of his ideas and plans. It was unfair and I knew it. But how are you supposed to be fair if a man is everything you always wanted to be. 

And soon enough Cait waited for me at the snack machine. 

“Tony, what’s wrong with you?” She snapped and I could see her eyes sparkle. 

“Nothing.” I answered as calmly as possible. How should I explain to her that I was plain jealous of this jerk.

“You know one could think you are jealous of Stan.” Cait crossed her arms in front of her chest and I jumped slightly. I always forgot she was such a damn good profiler. 

“I’m not.” I denied as I tipped some random numbers with a bit too much force into the machine. She focused on me as I fed it my money and I was sure there was more to come. 

“Tony,” Her voice was soft now and caused uneasiness within me. “Something is wrong with you. I can see it, god, all of us can see it. Let me help you. Let me in and we find a way.” Her hazel eyes rested on me, open and sincere. 

I was about to give in but how could I have told her something I didn’t know. I looked at her, feeling the sadness creeping up my spine and slowly conquering my mind. 

“I wish I could. I wish you could but no one can help me.” I bent down to get my random snack and then dropped a kiss to her forehead as I passed her. It was an alarming sign that she let me do this and if I wouldn't have been so occupied with the fucking mess in my head it would have scared the shit out of me. 

As I came back to the bullpen, the energy in the room had completely changed. McGee was tipping his keys in a frantic pace and Gibbs was running up and down talking to someone on the phone. Stan was staring at the plasma screen between McGee’s and my desk. His eyes narrowed and his forehead in wrinkles. My first thought was; he looked pissed but before I could explore that further he turned to Tim and told him to raise the price. 

I looked at the screen as Cait joined me. On it were several windows open. One showed a website for unique russian dolls for auctioning. One showed some of Tim’s weird programming languages and another a tracing program. 

“What-” I was just about to ask as Gibbs rushed back to us and said, “FBI gave us a tip. The missiles are about to be sold.” 

He turned to Stan and I couldn’t hold back a small sigh. Stan, why was it always Stan… Cait watched me shortly and then joined the rest. 

“Op is authorised. We have no limit.”

“What’s the plan?” Cait asked. I felt outcast as I saw the others standing in front of me. They were a functioning unit and it seemed as if I just wasn't needed. 

“We buy the dolls.” Burly drew quotes in the air as he illustrated the plan to Cait. “And then arrest the dirtbags at delivery.” 

“Undercover action.” I said excited into their backs. All three looked at me as if they had totally forgotten about my existence and the, so familiar, sickness deep in my stomach made me hesitate for a second. 

“Yeah. I’ll do the trade.” Stan looked at Gibbs and got a nod in response. 

“But they could recognize you.” Cait argued. “Tony should go instead.” I got the impression Cait did this not only to save the op but also to help me and I was kind of touched. 

“She is right Stan but I’m not sure DiNozzo can handle it. McGee you go.” The whitening face of Tim nearly let me forget to protest. A smile tugged on my lips, while my mind was ignoring the pain Gibbs’ words caused. 

“Boss, I can handle it.” My voice was low but determined. “I have to make some reparations anyway for today.” Gibbs eyed me closely. I damned the fact that I wasn’t able to read him even a bit. 

“Fine, DiNozzo. That’s your last chance.” 

It’s still funny how right he would be with this sentence. 

To make a long story at least a bit shorter…

I found myself freshly shaved and in one of my fanciest suits right in front of a man in his fourtees. He looked as ordinary as most of our villains. Brown hair cut short, an expensive suit and given the bulge under his jacket, armed. 

The old and abandoned factory site could have been a perfect set for the next action thriller. I smiled at him as my eyes wandered around to check if I could spot anyone else. 

“Do you have the money?” He asked with a determined voice. 

“Do you have the dolls?” I returned as planned. His eyes flickered towards one of the roll shutters nearby. 

“I need to see the money, first.” He smiled with a god given confidence. I opened the black leather case in my hand to let him see what he wanted. 

“Fine.” The guy was just about to turn as his phone rang. My gut turned into knots as he fished for it and read the caller-id. Something in his eyes said I was in trouble. 

He answered the call, never letting me out of sight. He listened intensely while I wished for my gun. 

Suddenly he got his weapon out and simply shot me.

I never would have expected my death to be this easy...

Two shots to my chest and I saw my blood soaking my fancy shirt. I didn’t even feel pain at that moment. I was just too stunned. 

It felt like hours till I sagged down to the floor. I saw my team running out of different hiding spots. I couldn’t quite grab it. I couldn’t die. Gibbs always made sure I didn’t.

I saw Gibbs and Stan running towards the guy and suddenly a mighty fear conquered me fullforce. They shouldn’t be here, they shouldn’t be in mortal danger. 

Stan shouted something and the guy pointed his gun towards him. For a split second I thought the guy looked more surprised than he should be. 

I saw the gunfire the moment I hit the ground.

It is amazing how long someone is conscious while the blood is pumped out of the wound in his chest. 

I felt the warmth seeping out of my body as Gibbs appeared next to me. He pressed his hands on my wound and for the first time I felt the pain. And all at once I was scared to the core. I grabbed his arm in a despaired attempt to hold on to something. I felt like I would fall and couldn’t stop it. 

“Stay calm, Tony. Help is on it’s way. It will all be fine. Help is on it’s way.” Gibbs whispered as he took my hand in his. But the first time in my life I could read him. I could see it was over. He knew it was over. 

I saw my chalk white hand in his bloody one. He bent down and cupped my cheek with his other hand. I was shaking. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw Cait and Tim staring at me in utter disbelief. It seemed as if they weren’t able to move at all. 

“I’m sorry, Tony. I’m so sorry.” He let his forehead rest on mine and I felt one hot drop on my cheekbone. It was his tear. The single one he spent for all. It was only one. Always. 

I took a shaky breath as my lungs filled with blood. 

“I don’t want to die.” I rasped out, feeling the blood seeping out of my mouth but his eyes gave me strength and calmed me down. 

“You won’t, Tony. Help is on it’s way.” He repeated but I knew they wouldn’t be on time. I felt the last will to live slowly fading away, taking the fear and pain with it. I felt numb and boneless. If Gibbs wouldn’t have held onto my hand for a dear life it would have fallen to the ground.

“Forgive me, boss. I will never be unreachable again. I swear.” With my last strength I wiped a second tear away from his perplexed face and smiled.

“Don't you dare dieing, Tony. Do you hear me? Tony?!” His words echoed in my ears as I took one last shaky breath.

“Bye, Gibbs.” And the last thing I saw in my lifetime were his icy blue eyes, glittering in the dim light of the fabric site.


	2. My Suprise

#  My Suprise

As I woke I felt strange, all of me was kind of light and flying, floating. I shook myself and tried to remember what had happened. 

I was sitting in my chair at the Yard, my desk in front of me and I still had no clue what had happened. It all looked as normal as always but I was quite sure something was going on. I let the chair spin in circles and felt so much better than I have had for a long time. The nap I must have taken really did good. 

The bullpen was empty and I was wondering where the others could be. I got up and decided to have a look around for them. I just got halfway to the elevators as its door opened and I saw Gibbs, McGee and Cait standing in it. They all wore black and looked like crap. 

The black bags under their eyes kind of worried me.

“Hey guys, you look fresh from a funeral. What did I miss?” I tried to joke but none of them showed a reaction except for Cait. She greeted me with a short angry look just to let her eyes fall back to the carpet. Gibbs stared right into nothing and a wave of concern overcame me. Tim placed a hand on Gibbs’ shoulder and he started to move in my direction. 

“Hey boss, are you okay?” I asked but he still looked right through me. “Fuck, you scare the shit out of me. Did something happen? Did someone die?” I ruffled my hair in an attempt to calm me down. The faces and behaviour of them made me sick and I feared that something had happened to Abby or Ducky. 

“For god's sake, tell-” I got roughly interrupted as Gibbs walked right through me. I looked down my body but there was nothing wrong with me. My suit was in place and I looked damn hot as always. 

“What the hell!” I tried again to stop the others but each one of them just walked right through me. I screamed and shouted but got no reaction at all. They had sat down behind their desks, gazing at mine. I sat down as well, as my mind slowly came to the conclusion that I was the one dead. I fixed my eyes on Gibbs and an unknown sadness rose within me. 

I tried to talk to all of them again and again but with no result. 

In retrospect I was way too calm as I realised for the first time that I was dead but that was the way it was.

It felt like ages until Morrow’s voice crossed the gravely silence of the bullpen. “Gibbs, you and your team are on personal leave for at least another 3 days.”

It seemed as if this put Gibbs’ brain back into action. He got to his feet, pure anger on his face. 

“No, Sir! We have to get the rest of the assholes!” He protested, not leaving any room to argue. Morrow watched him closely for a second then shook his head.

“Burley took this case. He got a brand new team. You are just too emotionally involved for this.” I could see even in his eyes sadness and was surprised that my death had this huge impact on the whole Navy Yard. 

“He was my-” Gibbs’ voice broke and he started a new attempt to reply something. “He was my SIC. It’s my case.” I saw his knuckles turning white as he clenched his fists. 

“Gibbs.” Morrow was still calm and patient. “Listen. This is not your choice. It is an order. Anthony’s funeral was just two hours ago. You and your team should grieve and rest, so you can return in a few days.” And now Morrow didn’t leave any space to argue.

To my suprise Gibbs sagged back into his chair and hid his face in his hands. I was shocked. This wasn’t the Gibbs I knew, this was a poor excuse for him but nothing more. 

“Go home. All of you!” Morrow insisted and like on autopilot all three got up and started to pack their things. I had never seen one of them act like this and to be honest Gibbs scared me the most. He was the strongest human being on earth. He never lost it, not like this. Tim was always kind of soft and weak but even he looked way better than my boss. So I decided to stick to Gibbs in an useless attempt to protect him. 

He drove home not knowing that I was right by his side and he went straight into the basement not knowing that I was sitting in my usual place on the stairs. Helplessly I saw him smash several things on his wall and then break down in tears on the floor. I sat next to him but all attempts to soothe him and ease his sorrow just failed because of the simple fact that I couldn’t touch him or anything else. As the time went on I understood some of the dimensions of my death. My life was over. All my dreams and wishes, all my goals and hopes were useless by now. It was over. All I could do was sit here and watch one of the most important people in my life break on the small detail that I was dead. 

Gibbs grabbed a bottle from above his head and took a big gulp of his bourbon. I wished I could have some of it as well but my hand went right through it as I tried to take it. Fuck. As a ghost you can’t even get drunk. 

“Tony.” Gibbs said low and I automatically answered with a ‘yes boss.’

“I just hope you are safe now. I hope you are with your loved ones and... happy.” I smiled slightly as I looked at him and thought ‘yes I’m with my loved ones’. It was kind of strange but as long as I was with him I didn't feel scared about my death. I had much more to do with worrying about him than thinking about me. 

“I’m sorry Tony. I should have protected you. I should have protected all of you but I didn’t. I wasn't able to.” Gibbs drowned half of the bottle in one go and added “again.” 

I would have loved to tell him that it wasn’t his fault, I would have loved to take the bottle down and tell him to just go on. That death wasn’t that bad and that I would be fine. But all I could do was watch him getting completely sloshed. 

“I miss you so bad.” Gibbs bubbled and looked to the ceiling. “I should have told you.” He started to cry again and I struggled against my upcoming emotions. I was sure somehow I knew he liked me but in everyday madness it always merged into the back of life. To hear it now, unleashed something deep inside me that I didn't know about. Something I couldn't grab nor place, something I just never allowed myself to feel while I was still alive.

To my dismay, Gibbs got up and staggered up the stairs. I was sure he would fall and join me any minute but with what seemed like practice he made it to the living room and let himself drop onto the couch. As his last action for the night, he turned on the tv and immediately fell into an uneasy sleep. 

I watched him for several hours from the kitchen door. I just couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I was worried and scared and confused and simply overstrained with all that had happened. 

As the sun started to rise I decided to give me and my mind a break and watch the golden light fight the night. I went out into the backyard. Gibbs had just renewed his deck and pepped up the garden furniture. I breathed in deeply and closed my eyes for a second.

“Tony!” I jumped as a little girl not older than eight or nine suddenly squealed right in front of me. 

“Ohh, god, missy! You nearly gave me a heart attack.” I grabbed overly teatralic at my chest to hide my actual surprise.

“Stop trying to fool me, Tony! You are dead!” She giggled and smacked my arm. I looked at the spot where her hand had touched me and I noticed how I longed for any kind of contact. 

“Are you dead, too?” I asked the little sweety, bewildered. My mind wasn’t really able to process the whole death-thing. She also could have said I’m a Yankees fan. 

“Jup.” She smiled at me as she let her hand slide over the leaves of the bushes next to her and to my astonishment they moved. I felt sad for her, she was so young.

“So that’s it? Just ‘jup’?” I smiled back and couldn’t do much more than to admire her acceptance of the situation. I had much more trouble. 

“Jup. You know I’m dead for quite a while now. I got used to it.” She picked one of the leaves from the bush and blew it away. It danced through the air and then slowly faded to the ground.

“What’s your name?” I noticed I hadn’t asked her in the beginning. 

“Kelly.” Her eyes held a mischievous twinkle as she started to dance on the porch. Her little white dress waved around her as she spun in circles. My heart skipped a beat as I noticed how beautiful she was and that I had missed any chances of having such a beautiful girl.

“I’m-” I halted. “Why did you know my name?” Kelly stopped to dance and scrutinised me for a long time. I was about to ask again as she smiled at me and vanished into nothingness. 

I called her several times but she didn’t come back so I decided to return inside. 

Gibbs was where I had left him and I thanked god that he had at least turned on the tv before he got unconscious. I sat down on the end of the couch right next to his head and watched the programm. My thoughts drifted to all the things that had happened and on a sudden wave of anxiety I let my hand rest on his chest. My mind was still trying to analyse the point that I was not vanishing into his chest as Gibbs stirred in his sleep and cupped my hand with his. His touch sent energy right through my body and suddenly I was right in the middle of a battlefield. A younger Gibbs in uniform was kneeling next to me and pulled me to the sandy ground. 

“Do you want to die Corporal? Keep your head down!” He whispered in a harsh tone and I noticed that we were hiding behind a burned humvee. I wiped away the sweat from my forehead and briefly noticed the dry and hot air as I asked, “What the hell is that here?” 

Gibbs turned his face towards me and looked shell shocked. 

“Tony, what the hell are you doing here?” He let his sniper rifle sink to the ground. 

“I don’t know, boss.” I shrugged my shoulders and smiled at him. 

“This is desert storm.” He said as if he didn’t know what else to say. A grenade exploded nearby and Gibbs was in full soldier mode again. 

“Okay keep your head down. I’ll get us out of here.” He had his rifle in aiming position and scanned the surroundings. “Listen, there should be a checkpoint about 10 miles ssw. We need to get there and everything will be fine.” 

I never had been to any kind of war zone except for the few times while at NCIS, so I was quite shocked as the war around us rose to new heights. Gibbs started to jump from shadow to shadow using every available shelter just by instinct. To see him in action strangely aroused me and I lost track of his movements as out of nowhere two shots echoed through the air. 

The surroundings changed and I sagged to the concrete ground of the abundant factory site with two shots to my chest. Gibbs rushed to my side and cried “Not again!” 

This was the first time I remembered the circumstances of my death. It was all the same as in reality but now I left my body and could see the whole scene from up above.

Gibbs with my body in his arms, Cait clinging to Tim’s arm next to us and Stan right next to the suspect, securing him and I couldn’t focus enough to see exactly but I could swear he was fumbling around with something. Probably calling help.

A white flash and I was back on Gibbs’ couch. I saw him blinking and my hand had sunk into his chest again. So back to the old. 

After getting up, Gibbs had vanished down into the basement and I tried to figure out what to do with my ghost life. I couldn’t stay here forever but there was no other place to go. I would definitely not haunt my dad. I sat outside again to let the sun warm up my constantly cold limbs. My eyes wandered around the garden. Gibbs lived nicely here. I would have loved to cuddle into a blanket and read on the deck all day. The backyard had something cosy and protective I had never noticed before.

“Toooooony!” Kelly’s voice pulled me out of my thoughts. 

“Hey, sweety! Where have you gone?” I smiled at her.

“I was with mummy. I had to tell her that you are here. She will come soon but till then we can play!” It was a statement, no room for a ‘no’.

“If you want to play with me, you first have to tell me why you know my name.” I crossed my arms to underline my point. 

“Fine. You have been here lots of times. Sometimes I come here to peek on you. I like you, you are funny.” Kelly smiled at me and before I could ask further she pulled me out of the chair and onto the grass. 

“Wait here.” She ordered as she had pulled me behind the big elder bush in one corner of the garden. She vanished into it and soon enough a ball rolled out of it. Seconds later her head came into sight and she held an old skipping rope in hand. 

“Where did you get this form?” I asked and wondered about the things in Gibbs’ garden. 

“This was my secret cave. I used to hide all my favorite things in there. But don’t tell anyone. It’s our secret.” She looked at me as if she already regretted having told me. 

“I promise I won’t tell.” I smiled at her reassuringly. She eyed me again and I got strangely reminded of Gibbs. 

“Pinky swear?” She asked and held out her finger. I took it with joy. This little girl had already stolen my heart. “Pinky swear!” I answered and we shook our pinkies. 

“So you lived here?” I wondered as Kelly went back to her toys. 

“Mhhh. What do you think? First playing ball?” She returned casually, totally occupied with her decision. I concluded that her family must have lived here before Gibbs had bought the house. I wasn’t in the mood to investigate further so I concentrated on the play time ahead. I told her that playing ball would be a good thing and soon enough we stood some meters apart, facing each other. She threw the ball but instead of landing in my hand, it went right through. 

“Ohhh, Tony!” Kelly pouted and looked quite unhappy.

“Sorry, Kelly. This wasn’t on purpose. I just can’t grab things from…” I stopped and thought for the right word. 

“Oh.” Her face lightened and she looked at me knowingly. “You mean ‘other-world’ things. I couldn’t do this in the beginning, either. But it is really simple. You just have to think about the item you want to touch or hold really hard.” 

I was irritated. I was sure I was thinking of playing ball, so it should have worked. Kelly held my gaze and waited for me to try it again. Her demanding eyes made goosebumps appear on my skin. She looked so familiar that I was totally confused. 

“C’mon Tony. Try it again!” She commanded and I got into action. The red ball was lying in the grass right in front of me. I kneeled down and tried to take it but my hand went right through it, again and again. 

“Just think ‘ball, ball, ball’” The impaitions in her voice made me smile and I did as I was ordered. Ball. Ball. Ball. Suddenly I felt a round thing in my hand and Kelly squealed in delight. 

“You see. You adults always think too much. So many different things in your heads. That’s why you need to practise so much.” She had her hands on her hips and shook her head. I couldn’t help but smile about her attitude. She was right. I had gotten used to following at least three different trains of thoughts at the same time. Mostly I wasn’t even aware how fast I switched between them. 

We tossed the ball for a time and I felt a tension slip I didn’t even notice I had. The sun up above us and Kelly’s beautiful laugh let me forget that I was dead and kind of homeless. I felt good and could have spent the rest of my death like this. 

“Kelly!” A voice echoed through the garden but I was quite sure it wasn’t audible in the ‘other world’ as Kelly had called it. I let the ball drop again and automatically turned my head to see where it had come from.

“Ops. That’s my mum. I was just allowed to let you know she would come and then I should have come right back.” She looked more than guilty and vanished into nothing, a ‘bye’ echoed through the air. I was standing in the back of Gibbs’ garden and felt a loneliness I never experienced before. Slowly I walked back to the deck and let myself drop into the chair. Sadness conquered my mind and I felt hopeless. I couldn’t go on like this. I couldn’t stay here at someone's home and be kind of an unknown and unwanted guest.

“Sorry for my daughter. Sometimes she can be a pain in the ass. As stubborn as her father.” A redheaded woman in her thirties sat right next to me in the other chair. I jumped as I heard her and my mind focused back to present. “Sorry I didn’t want to scare you, Tony.”

“It’s okay.” I gazed at her and her beauty made my trademark smile appear. “So, Kelly is your daughter?” 

“Yes. She isn’t allowed to be here but fortunately she sometimes disobeys otherwise we hadn’t found you. My name is Shannon.” The woman held out her hand. She sure looked like a woman who knew what she wanted and how to get it. I slowly tried to take her hand and was happy that I didn't go through. 

“Nice to meet you, Shannon. I’m-” And again I halted. “Can you tell me why everyone in this world seems to know my name?” I looked at her with a scrutinizing gaze. 

To my surprise she started to laugh. It was wholeheartedly and absolutely beautiful. 

“No, Tony. Not everyone, just us.” She still smiled as she answered. I looked at her, my confusion plain written on my face. 

“You must know even though Kelly isn’t allowed to be here, she comes often. We know all of you. Cait, Tim, Abby, Ducky. The whole team and every other coming to see Leroy.” Her gaze went soft and I was wondering if my earlier conclusion about Kelly was really right. 

“Did you know Gibbs before?” I asked.

Shannon smiled sadly at me. “Yes.”

I raised my eyebrows but she didn’t go on. I felt like it would be better to stop asking even though curiosity was killing me. 

“Okay. So I’m dead now, right? Am I doomed to haunt Gibbs forever or…?” I stopped not knowing what to say or wish for. 

“That’s a bit difficult.” She smiled apologizingly at me and I felt warmth spreading through my veins. “Normally you would come to the city but in your case something went wrong. Something is holding you here.” 

“The city?” I was irritated but as Shannon let her hand rest on mine, a pleasant feeling erased all my nasty emotions and let me be satisfied and happy. 

“On earth they call it heaven, nirvana, walhalla, eternity. We just call it the city. Normally you get picked up at the airport by your loved ones but your case is different.” She paused and I was sure there was no one to pick me up so I wasn’t allowed to enter the city.

“No need to say.” I returned and got to my feet. “If no one comes and picks you up, you have to stay between the worlds, right. It’s okay. I will manage it here anyway.” I was determined to stay strong but the fact that I was now pacing up and down the deck betrayed me. 

“Calm down, Tony. That’s not right. First of all, even if there is no one to fetch you, everyone is welcome. Someone else would fetch you and be your new friend. No one is alone in the city. Second, there are enough people who love you and have been waiting for you. But you didn’t come. We were all looking for you but you just didn’t take the plane.” She looked at me and I started to cry. I felt the pressure inside me rise and just couldn’t hold it back. I went to my knees and sobbed like a little child. Shannon kneeled beside me and rubbed my back, whispering all kind of soothing words. 

“I know, Tony, it’s hard. It is all too much but for some reason you are here so let’s find out why.” She pulled me up and positioned me back in my chair. My mind was spinning and I felt scared. “Listen, first of all we need to find out why you are dead.” 

“Because a dirtbag shot me.” I said bewildered. “I don’t understand the whole situation. Why am I here? Why is a foreigner here and not someone I know? Don’t get this wrong but… Why the hell is this all happening?” I was in the middle of the mental breakdown I had expected way earlier. 

“All good questions but I can’t even answer one of them. All I know is that your flight wasn’t scheduled for long years and all of the sudden you were announced. Something in the other world went wrong and you have to fix it, Tony.” 

My mind melted into a big puddle of blur, my emotions washed over me like a tsunami and I felt the ground underneath me vanish. A loud scream reached my ears as all went black.

It was my own voice.


	3. My Stupidity

#  My Stupidity

I found myself on the porch, still sitting in the chair but alone this time. I shook my body to get rid of the last unpleasant feelings lingering in the tips of my limps. I heard a voice coming from the house. For a split second I thought about leaving Gibbs and the whole fucking mess and haunt the world for the rest of my spooky live but somehow the idea of leaving him made me anxious. I went into the house to see where the noises were coming from. 

Fornell was sitting on the couch in the living room, while Gibbs was in his armchair. They both sipped a beer and gazed into nothing. It seemed as if a quite intense conversation had ended just seconds ago. 

“Hi Fornell.” I said as I sat down next to him on the couch. His head twiched towards me and I got the impression he could hear me but the second I was about to try it again he said, “That’s a pretty big mess, Jethro. No wonder you drink yourself stupid.” 

Gibbs just looked at him with sad bloody eyes and took another big gulp from his beer.

“Fornell, can you hear me?” I tried. 

“Fuck, I could swear I still hear his voice.” Tobias said shaking his head and my heart jumped. Could it be? Did he really hear me? 

“I’m here. C’mon, Fornell. If you can hear me, tell me.” All blood drained from his face and he jumped to his feet. “I’ll better go. I don’t feel well.” He said and made his way to the door. Gibbs just took another sip from his beer. He seemed apathetic and far away. My heart broke as I saw him like this. I only got into motion as I heard the front door being closed and I went after Fornell. He might be able to help me… do whatever I had to do. 

“Fornell, wait. I know you can hear me!” I called after him. He stopped in the middle of the front yard, looking frantically around. “I need your help!” 

He jumped into his car and started the engine. “Tobias.” I said softly as I sat next to him on the passenger seat.

“Fuck!” He mumbled and pulled out of the driveway with neck breaking speed. I thought that it wouldn’t be wise to try as long as he drove, so I let him get home and onto his couch before I tried again. 

“Fornell, I need your help.” I pleaded in a soft and what I hoped reassuring voice. He just closed his eyes and plugged his fingers in his ears. Everytime I tried to talk to him he just vanished or ignored it. I needed several days until I got him to finally accept that I was here and wouldn’t leave him alone until he would help me. 

One day I wrote ‘I’m here and I will haunt you, till you help me’ on his foggy mirror after his shower and this did the trick. 

“For god sake, DiNotzo! You are now as annoying as you have been alive!” He rubbed his forehead and breathed out in resignation. 

“Hi, Tobias. It is good to speak to you!” I smiled and felt relieved that he finally had given up.

“Speak for yourself.” He grunted back. “Would you mind letting me get dressed before I lose my mind completely and start talking to you?” 

“Sure, go ahead. I wait in the kitchen.” I vanished and appeared in the kitchen a second later. During the last days, I had worked hard on my ghost skills. I was now able to touch and move things without the intense focusing and I was able to appear wherever I wanted to. I turned on the coffee maker and started to prepare some eggs for my new partner in crime. 

As Fornell came into the kitchen he just saw how I placed the mug and the plate on the table. 

“Fuck, DiNotzo!” He dropped to the chair. “I just saw this cup and plate flying through the air and land on my table. I… what… hell…!” He still stared at his breakfast. 

“I thought you like scrambled eggs.” I laughed and enjoyed to torture him a bit more as I took the other chair back and sat down. 

“The chair! I totally have gone nuts. It’s a mental breakdown. I’m overworked. I just need a good vacation. That’s it. I just need a break.” 

“Calm down, Fornell. I know I’m dead and I know to hear me must freak you out but actually I can’t go before I have sorted out some things and that you can hear me must mean you can help me somehow.” I sighed, the whole situation was as strange for me as for him but I had enough time in the past days to think it through. 

“And how the hell am I supposed to help you?” He grabbed his coffee and mumbled, “I can’t believe I drink ghost coffee!”

“I don’t know. We have to figure out why I can’t go to the city.” I couldn’t help but smile about his ‘ghost coffee’.

“And I shall drive you or what?” He started to dig into his eggs but didn’t eat them. I giggled and told him about ‘the city’ to erase the mistake. After I had finished with the whole story he leaned back and rubbed his chin. 

“Well something seems to hold you here. Any ideas?” He asked and I got the feeling he had already something on his mind.

“No. I started to think it has something to do with the case.” I answered and eyed him closely. 

“So the case, eh? No personal thing comes to your mind?” He asked with an impish smile. I gave this a thought but there was nothing I could think off. 

“I don’t think so.” I answered and felt as if I had missed something as Fornell huffed and shook his head. 

“Fine, DiNozzo. So let's concentrate on the case first.” I was about to ask what he ment with ‘first’ but Fornell already went on spilling all his thoughts while brainstorming. It was a flood of ideas and suspicions, of possible occurrences and untenable assertions. It washed over my mind and I totally forget about everything else. 

After a while of listening to him I felt mighty frustrated. “This isn’t helping, Tobias. We need a place to start.” 

“Okay.” He leaned back in his chair sipping his third coffee. “Let’s start with your death. You said he shot you after he received a call. So it seemed as if someone told him you are an agent.” I let his assumption work its way through my mind. 

“Seems like it. But who should have known?” An uneasiness forced his way into my body and I was quite sure what Fornell would answer.

“There must be a mole.” He said it as if he wouldn’t believe himself but it was the same as I thought. I moved my neck to lose a bit of the tension that had occurred. 

“Fuck. And what are we going to do now?” I asked after a long pause. He looked like he was going to do something drastic. 

“I don’t know but believe me I will get this son of a bitch and kill him myself.” His eyes became small and I was surprised by his level of aggression. 

“My, Tobias, I didn’t know I meant so much to you.” I laughed slightly as he sighed to himself. “I don’t do this for you, you are a pain in the ass, DiNotzo.” 

He got up and packed his things. I watched him and again had the feeling I’d missed something. “What are you going to do now?” 

“I will do what I’m good at. Find the asshole and solve the case.” He said bitterly. 

“Where do we start?” I was eager to do something and happy to have a mission ahead. 

“You go back to Gibbs. I need you to have an eye on him. I’m worried that he could do something stupid.” I felt my blood draining from my face. Since I discovered that Fornell could hear me I only had been at Gibbs’ a few short times, just to find him dunken on the couch or in the basement. 

“What’s wrong with him?” This question had burned inside me since I had seen Gibbs so apathetic and toothless at the Yard, as he had given in so easy, accepting Morrow's order without any fight. Fornell stopped in his movements and looked into my direction. He shook his head and sighed. 

“I think you have to find out by yourself. Just promise me, you keep an eye on him. Whatever you might discover, promise me to stay with him and keep him safe.” His eyes were sad and a shiver ran over my skin. 

“What the hell? I don’t-” 

“Just promise me, Tony.” He interrupted me and I was gobsmacked by his use of my first name. 

“I promise.” I couldn’t say much more. Something strange was going on and I felt like the only one being in the dark. 

Fornell said his goodbyes and vanished to do his work and left me behind with a bitter taste in my mouth and a feeling of uncertainty.

I left his kitchen and found myself in Gibbs’ living room again. It was empty and way too silent for my liking. I materialised in his basement and was relieved to find him working on his boat. I sat down on my spot on the stairs and watched him sanding. It was such a familiar sight that I nearly forgot that I was dead. Only his red eyes and the empty bottles on the workbench gave a hint that something wasn’t right. I watched him and the undefined feeling I had as Gibbs had whispered to the ceiling that he missed me forced his way to the front. I longed for his touch and I longed to bury my face in his chest. I wanted to be held in his arms and I wanted to hide in his embrace from the world. And, to be honest, this scared me more than the whole being-dead thing. 

I appeared on the porch and breathed in deeply. I was confused and felt broken without knowing the reason. 

At that time, I wasn’t willing to have a closer look at these emotions otherwise I would have seen clearer but that’s life or better death…

I felt a little hand in mine and looked down, to find Kelly next to me. 

“Hey, sweety, I’m sure you are not allowed to be here.” I smiled softly at her and she cuddled to my side. 

“I know but you are sad. I don’t like it. You know my dad is always sad and I can’t help him.” I scooped her up and she hugged me, letting her head rest on my shoulder. I felt my fear and sadness lessening and was again glad to have her by my side. 

“Why are you sad, Tony?” She asked me and I struggled to give her an answer. 

“I don’t know.”

She hugged me closer and whispered, “I’m here. You are not alone.” 

I smiled at her words. They actually gave me a little strength and I let it all go. I let all the emotions I had repressed for so long in. 

I accepted that I was dead, I accepted that I couldn’t do anything against that and I finally accepted that I felt drawn to Gibbs and that not only my worries about him but also my own longing was the reason to stay with him. 

“Thanks, sweety.” I placed a kiss on her head and gazed into the green of the garden. I enjoyed the feeling of her body in my arms. Her weight seemed to ground me and her warmth chased away the coldness inside my soul. 

Kelly lifted her head off my shoulder and looked deep into my eyes. It was as if lightning struck me. 

“Sweety? Is your dad still living here?” I looked into the icy blue eyes of a Gibbs and suddenly so many things made perfect sense. 

“Yes. Daddy is in the basement.” She looked at me as if I was messing with her but I was just dumbfounded. I hadn’t known Gibbs had been a father nor that he had been married to Shannon. He had never mentioned that he had a dead family or a family at all. I felt betrayed and I was sure I wasn’t the reason for his grief. My death just reminded him of what he had lost and anger rose within me. Mostly anger about my stupidness, about the weakness to think it could be me. 

I set Kelly to the ground and was about to vanish when she held me back. 

“Did I do something wrong?” She asked with concern in her voice. 

“No, sweety. You did nothing wrong.” I squatted in front of her to look her in the eyes. Those goddamn blue eyes.

“Why are you angry, now?” Her gaze pierced my heart and reminded me of the man I now wished to forget. 

“You know sometimes you learn something that hurts.” I tried to give her a proper answer. 

“Do you mean that he is my daddy?” Kelly pointed behind me and I turned to see Gibbs in the door. For a second I felt caught and started to defend me as I heard Kelly laugh. 

“He still can’t hear you.” She giggled as she took my hand again. 

“Right.” I ruffed my hair, calming down. 

“He looks so sad. I haven’t seen him like this since we had to go.” Her voice had sobered and she pressed my hand stronger. “I’m scared.” She whispered and I felt the same. 

“I’ll keep an eye on him. Don’t worry.” I gave her hand a squeeze back and felt strangely reminded of the conversation with Fornell. My promise popped up in my mind and the last bit of flight reaction died inside of me. Despite all my hurt feelings I had to protect him. He still was devastated and it didn’t matter if I was the reason or not.

“Why are you not cuddling to his side and sooth him?” I asked on a sudden thought.

“I can’t.” She left my hand and tried to touch him. Her hand went right through his arm. “I can’t touch him or things around him.” Her eyes watered and I kneeled down to take her back in my arms. 

“Ohh, I’m sorry, sweety.” I held her close as she sobbed. My mind wandered to the moment I could rest my hand on Gibbs’ chest. I got to the conclusion that this must have something to do with the fact that I shouldn’t be dead but let it go for the moment to focus back on the little girl in my arms. 

“Hey what do you think, do you want to play?” I asked her but she shook her head and mumbled something into my chest. A second later she had vanished into the air. 

Gibbs was still standing in the door to the garden. He looked awful. The lines on his face had deepened and the black bags under his eyes gave me the impression of a skull. His eyes had lost their color and his unshaved jaw completed the picture of a broken man. 

He turned and went back inside. I was already sitting in the armchair as he let himself drop to the couch. He hid his eyes behind his arm and sighed deeply. I could hear his resignation in every single breath. I could feel him giving up. My heart nearly tore into pieces. Even though I was still sure it was because of his family I couldn’t see him suffer so much. His breath evened and I was relieved that he would have a short break from the real world. 

As so often, his sleep was uneasy and he tossed and turned around on the couch, mumbling incomprehensible words. I rested my hand on his chest to calm him down and again felt an energy floating through my body. 

I was in the office. The orange walls and the smell of the carpet made me feel at home. Immediately I relaxed and went right to my desk. This was my natural habitat and I was relieved to be back here. 

Gibbs walked in and barked something about some reports and I returned that I haven’t done them yet. His blue eyes sparkled angry at me but then suddenly changed and he smiled. 

“Did I ever tell you, how much you mean to me, Tony?” He asked and I paled in an instant. 

“N..no.” I couldn’t stop my voice from trembling.

“Thank you for everything.” He got to his feet and walked over to me. I felt like I had to walk towards him as well and so I did. He stopped in front of me and held out his hand but, without a thought, I went right into his arms. He hesitated for a second and then closed his arms around me. I felt safe, I felt settled, as if I was where I had always belonged. Behind my eyelids tears began to sting and I had to admit that I was more than drawn to him. Gibbs caressed the back of my head with his thumb and I wanted to stay there for the rest of eternity. 

“Tony, I have to tell you something. I-” 

“Oh, did I interrupt something?” Stan asked as he came near. I growled some nasty words as Gibbs let go of me and walked towards him. 

“Do you have something for me, Stan?” Gibbs asked and I was forgotten, again. 

“I have the phone log of the suspect. Nothing special.” He said and cruelly grinned at me. Oh, how I hated this guy, even in dreams he haunted me. Fuck him! 

I thought about how I could get out of this sudden nightmare as Gibbs turned to me and said, “Beer and steaks at my place later?” 

I grinned like a child on christmas and nodded. It had been ages since the last time and even though it wasn’t real I was looking forward to it. 

After a while the scenery changed and I found myself in Gibbs’ living room. The smell of steaks invaded my nose and let my mouth water. I took my place on the couch and rubbed my hands together in anticipation. Gibbs sat down next to me and patted my leg, “Steaks are nearly done.” 

He smiled at me and leaned back. 

“You know, Tony, I really enjoy your company.” He laughed and put his arm around my shoulders, rubbing me roughly. I hadn't heard him laugh in ages and the whole situation let sorrow rise inside me. 

With a bitter smile on my face I looked into his eyes and I knew he could see it all. All the regrets and fear, all the love and longing. Just plain everything inside me. 

Gibbs’ smile vanished and his searching look lay heavy on me. I was prepared for all the questions he could possibly voice, I was prepared for all the things he could do but he just did nothing. No question, no movement, nothing. If he hadn't been breathing, I could have sworn the scene had been frozen. 

He slowly moved his arm away from my shoulders and I deeply regretted having let him see. 

“Gibbs, I...” I didn’t know what to say or how to fix the mess I made. In a desperate attempt to flee I closed my eyes and wished for him to wake up. 

All of a sudden I felt soft lips on mine. I opened my eyes to see what was happening. My heart was pounding in my throat as I realised that Gibbs kissed me. I closed my eyes again and just let it happen, determined to take all I could get. 

Gibbs backed away and I felt fear crocheting my gut into knots. I gazed at him, not knowing what to do as a small smile tugged on his lips and finally I understood. He was as insecure as I was. I couldn’t suppress a loud laughter and pulled him towards me. 

“God, Gibbs. Just kiss me now.” I smiled and could see his eyes lighting up. 

He conquered my lips and my body. I leaned back and his body covered mine. I felt his lips move on mine and couldn’t hold back a moan. A huge desire deep down inside me got satisfied with a small kiss. I couldn’t resist sneaking my hand around his back as he deepened the kiss. Our tongues fought for dominance even though I knew I had no chance. I felt his hand roaming my body and soaked in every little touch and feel. I tried to store it away for the rest of my death. 

Out of nowhere I was back in the armchair with my hand on Gibbs’ chest. I breathed in deeply and sadly smiled down on my… boss. 

Gibbs blinked as I noticed Tobias standing behind me in the entrance to the living room. 

“Are you alright, Jethro?” I took my hand off of his chest and watched him sitting up, an expression of great despair on his face. 

“No.” He simply said and got to his feet. 

“I guess you don’t want company.” Fornell stated but didn’t make an attempt to leave. Gibbs didn’t even look at him before he vanished into his basement. As soon as Gibbs had closed the door Fornell looked around, “DiNotzo, are you here?”

“Yes, sitting in the armchair.” I said but couldn’t hold the resignation out of my voice. Tobias sat down on the couch and cleared his throat. 

“I heard rumors from the street that we are right. There is a mole at NCIS but I couldn’t get a hint by now. Any ideas?” 

I had trouble focussing on his words, my mind was still back in this wonderful dream. Something nagged at the back of my brain... The dream. Something about the dream. 

On a sudden insight I asked, “What about the call. There must be something on the phone.”

“I talked to Stan Burley but there was nothing. The caller-id must be suppressed.”

“But that can’t be. The guy had read the id before answering. I’m sure.” I rubbed my face not getting rid of the negging feeling in the back of my head. I missed something for sure but I couldn’t grab it. 

“I’m waiting for the logs now. It did cost me lots of favors but I finally managed to get involved in the investigation.” 

We fell into silence as both of us puzzled about the case. My mind went wild and jumped from thought to thought and as I was just about to recap our first conversation a burning question conquered my mind fullforce. 

“Why haven't you told me about Gibbs’ family? It would have been less of a shock if I would have known.” 

“About what? Gibbs’ family?” He looked truthfully surprised and I didn’t know what to think. 

“Yes, Kelly and Shannon? I thought that was what you meant with ‘Whatever you might discover, promise me to stay with him’.” I eyed him closely but he looked as betrayed as I have felt. 

“I didn’t know that. Are they dead?” His voice was small and he had paled visible.

“Yes.” 

“Now your promise just got way more important than I would want to. Please stay with him, keep him safe.” Tobias got to his feet. “I’ll take care of the phone log.”

As Fornell had gone I sat on the deck again and watched the colorful clouds, painted by the sinking sun. Kelly appeared next to me and climbed on my lap. She curled up in my arms and I placed a kiss on her head. 

“Hey, missy.” I said, still watching the clouds, she remained silent and we both enjoyed the moment.


	4. My Shock

#  My Shock

I had sat there with Kelly in my lap for the whole night, resting my mind and body. I wished for a coffee and an idea how to go on, how to cope with all of this mess. I would never have expected that my death would make everything so much more complicated. 

“I knew, I would find her here.” Shannon softly stroked Kelly’s hair as she smiled at me. I couldn’t find the strength to answer her so I smiled tiredly back. Shannon sat next to me and watched the sun rise. 

“You love him, don’t you?” She said without looking at me and I knew she was right.

“I think I do.” My voice was low and rough. I felt shame rise inside me. I was sitting with her daughter in my lap and confessed that I was in love with her husband. I felt as if I tried to replace her.

“Don’t worry, Tony, it’s okay.” She smiled but still didn’t look at me. “I just wished you would have discovered it earlier.” 

“I don’t think this would have changed anything. I’m glad I didn’t have to go through this as I was still working with him. So I can find a way to cope with it and then leave it behind.” Even I could hear the frustration in my voice and tried to cover it with my smile. Shannon looked at me with a cryptic gaze and I wasn’t sure if she had learned from Gibbs or vice versa. 

And then I felt it the same moment as Shannon and Kelly looked at me with fear widened eyes.

“Go!” Shannon shouted as I was already vanishing. 

I could move the gun to the side as Gibbs pulled the trigger. “For god sake, Gibbs.” I shouted with tears in my eyes. “You goddamn idiot! What do you think you are doing here?” 

I wrenched the gun out of his hands and threw it to the end of the room. 

He sat back, eyes wide open and staring in disbelief at the gun on the other side of the room. 

“Fuck, Gibbs!” I screamed through the basement. I grabbed his shoulders and shook him as another wave of anger washed over me. 

“What the hell!” Gibbs got to his feet and walked through me. He paced up and down the basement, rubbing his face from time to time as I sunk to the workbench. I couldn’t believe he tried to shoot himself. I let my head sink down as I braced myself, elbows on my knees. I let the breath I was still holding go and soaked in the air as if I would choke. This fucking idiot. 

I straightened myself and watched him walking up and down. He looked desperate and scared. I walked over and took him into my arms and to my relieve, I didn’t go through him. His eyes closed and he sunk into my embrace. 

“God. How I miss you!” He whispered with a desperate voice. 

“They are here. I wish you could see or feel them but they are here.” I mumbled and my heart threatened to burst into a thousand pieces. I could feel the love he was willing to give and it overwhelmed me with mighty force. I let go of him and vanished. 

As I dared to open my eyes I looked directly at an orange wall. With satisfaction, I turned to see the bullpen. I saw Cait and Tim sitting at their desks, Stan was walking up and down the alley and Fornell was sitting at Gibbs’ desk. I went over to Fornell and whispered, “Gibbs tried to commit suicide.” 

Fornell twitched and excused himself. He headed straight to the elevator and I followed. He slammed the stop button as we were halfway down to the basement. 

“He did what?” Tobias shouted and looked fanatic around. “Are you here, Where are you? Goddamn that I can’t see you. He did what?” 

I grabbed his shoulders and turned him towards me. “Calm down. He is fine.” 

“I'm gonna kill him, I swear.” Fornell muttered and shook his shoulders. “It’s strange when you touch me. It feels real but because I can’t see you it’s just strange.” 

“Okay. But focus now.” I ignored the uneasy look on his face and went on. “I need to save Gibbs. I need your advice. You are his best friend, how do I get him out of his current mood?” 

“I don’t know. How should I know?” He pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Think! Tobias, you told me in the first place he could do something stupid. How did you know?” I started to shake him again. 

“Stop it, DiNotzo. I just had this feeling.” He looked angry at a point next to me, where he supposed my face. But I still had the feeling he didn’t tell me everything.

“I can’t let him die!” I growled and my voice let the metal of the elevator vibrate. “I’m going to haunt you for the rest of your life.” 

“I really don’t know!” He said his voice low and full of defeat. I hit the stop button and let the elevator get to the basement. As the doors opened Abby looked curiously at Fornell. She looked as bad as Gibbs. Her mascara had left black paths of tears on her cheeks and her eyes were as red as the bow in her hair. 

“What are you doing in there?” She looked around the cabin.

“I… Nothing…” Fornell stumbled and avoided her gaze. 

“Tell her. Now you haven’t got a chance anyway.” I said as I saw the investigator look in Abby’s eyes. Fornell groaned and shook his head.

“Tell her!” I urged him on. “She might be helpful.”

“She wouldn’t believe me.” He returned as low as possible with now use.

“What wouldn’t I believe? Are you talking to yourself?” She looked at him as if he had lost his mind. “I mean, I always talk to myself. I’m totally cool with it but you?” Her forehead wrinkled.

“Let’s go to your lab, Mrs. Sciuto.” Fornell asked with a red face. I giggled and felt some of the pressure in my chest loosen. 

“Stop laughing.” He hissed at me as we went to the lab. 

He cleared his throat a thousand times until I couldn’t hold back any more. “C’mon, Tobias. Tell her.”

“Okay, okay. So Mrs. Sciuto, you might not believe me but I’m able to speak with... Tony.” He closed his eyes to avoid seeing her reaction. Abby’s face paled and she stemmed her hands into her hips.

“This is so not funny. Tony is dead and if he would talk to anyone it would be me.” Her anger was padebel. 

“I wish it would be you. He really is a pain in the ass.” Fornell sighed and I could see Abby was about to hit him. 

“I think it will hurt, soon.” I giggled as I watched them.

“Stop enjoying it and better help me. Remember we have some tasks ahead.” I sobered immediately and let a hand rest on Abby’s shoulder. She dropped to her chair and stared at Tobias. I let her head rest on my stomach and patted her back. She started to cry and Fornell sighed again, this time in relief. 

“You are really here, aren’t you?” She asked through her tears and Fornell answered for me. “Yes.” 

After Abby had calmed down, Fornell filled her in and as soon as her tears died down a second time she was all in. We had left out the small detail of the attempt suicide, so it was no wonder she immediately focused on the case, while my mind was still occupied with Gibbs. I hoped that my Gibbs alert would call me again if he would try something stupid once more. 

“Okay there is something hinky with the phone. I analized it and someone had just reset the phone. There's nothing on it, except for one unknown incoming call.”

“Okay, so it was a disposable mobile. That doesn't help.” Tobias growled and Abby looked sharp at him. 

“Stan said the same but it looked like it was well used so I don’t believe that it was a disposable phone. I think someone did it later and if you think we have a mole here…” She let the rest be open to our phantasie and turned to type something on her keyboard. Fornell was looking at his phone and a sudden insight hit me. I just couldn’t believe it. The picture of Stan appeared before my inner eye. Him securing the suspect and fumbling with a phone. 

I groaned and cursed myself. I should have noticed it way before. Him being the mole would make so much sense. I just needed proof.

“What’s wrong, Tony?” Fornell asked while I was still cursing.

“Nothing. Just a suspicion. Let me figure out something. Can you two stay with Gibbs?” I asked and was about to vanish as Fornell said, ”Sure.”

I materialised at Stan’s place. He lived fancy. I searched his apartment to find any proof but nothing. I dropped to his couch as I heard someone open the door. Stan had gotten home. I smiled as I prepared for a spooky night. 

Stan dropped to the couch next to me with a glass of vodka after he had sorted himself. He turned on the impressive flat screen in front of us. After surfing through the channels he settled for a brainless action movie and I was not surprised. He wasn’t the man for higher entertainment. From time to time I moved the remote control or his glas around his table but he just briefly hesitated before he chose to ignore it. 

I was determined to go on slowly and subtly until he fell into sleep on the couch. I placed my hand on his arm and felt the strange energy shooting through my body. 

I was in an unknown street and saw Stan hooking up with a prostitute looking like Cait. Oh, if she would have known, he would be dead by now. I smirked as I walked towards them. Cait looked quite appealing in her silk stockings and the short skirt that didn’t even hide her nicely formed bottom. Stan was already absorbed by her deep neckline as I grabbed him on his shoulder. He turned around and I let my fist fly into his face. It was the most satisfying thing I had ever done. 

He stumbled to the ground and I placed a foot on his chest to fix him there. 

“Listen, buddy. I know you killed me. I just want to know why!” I said and let my anger and frustration color my voice. 

“I… no… Campbell shot you.” Stan stuttered and I felt the anger and frustration in my chest melting into pure aggression. I pulled him up by his collar and smashed him to the next wall. 

“Stany, if you are not talking soon, I will hurt you.” I whispered threatening and rammed my knee into his stomach. I heard his noises of pain but I still held him in place. All my pent-up emotions blazed a trail to the surface and I was absolutely willing to take it all out on him.

“Stany? What was it? Have you been frustrated on your boat or were you looking for a new kick?” I looked into his face and his fear was plain visible. “Oh, I see it was the money, right?” 

Stan’s eyelid twitch just once but it was enough to know I was right. I smiled at him and eased the grip on his collar. 

“You know what, Stany-boy. They will get you and they will arrest you but until then I will visit you every night and beat the shit out of you.” I let my trademark smile appear and placed my fist with mighty force between his ribs. I beat him up, fired by all the dark emotions inside me. I didn’t even stop as he sunk to the ground, kicking him again and again. I could see him bleeding and crying but my heart wasn’t in for mercy. 

The moment I was about to use his head as a football, I was back in his apartment. Stan had woken with a scream on his lips and I saw with satisfaction the fear lingering on his face. 

It wasn’t one of my proudest moments but sometimes you have no control…

He went to take a shower while I was writing ‘It might have been a dream but I meant every word I said! Love, Tony.’ on his foggy mirror. The face he made as he saw my love letter was priceless. He looked around, scared out of his mind.

“Who is there? It’s not funny!” He screamed and I vanished smiling into the air. 

I was standing in Gibbs’ kitchen as I heard Fornell talk. It was comforting to see three plates in the sink and I was sure Abby had made sure Gibbs had eaten at least a bit. I went into the living room to see all three sitting there. 

“I’m back.” I said and Fornell smiled slightly to let me know he had understood. He stood up and cleared his throat. 

“Well I think it’s time to go, Mrs Sciuto.” He winked at her as she was about to protest and she got the hint. I followed them outside and summed up my experience with Stan. 

“This bastard! I'm gonna kill him.” Fornell muttered and greeted his teeth after he informed Abby.

“Not if I get him first.” She growled back. I let my hands rest on their shoulders and saw the sparkles in Abby’s eyes. 

“We have no evidence. You need to stay back and let me do this.” I said calmly and took Abby’s hand in mine. 

“But I can’t let this douchebag walk around like this!” Fornell protested and clenched his fists. 

“What did he say?” Abby asked and Tobias repeated my words. “No, definitely not, Tony!” 

“You both have to.” I squeezed her hand as Fornell echoed me again. 

I knew it was a lot I asked but there was no other way. All I had was the small twitch of Stan’s eyelid. I watched them drive off before I went back inside. 

Gibbs had disappeared into the basement and I longed for his company. I dropped onto the stairs and watched him sanding his boat. Eyeing the bullet in one of the ribs, panic rose within me. I couldn’t shake the feeling of nearly losing him, even though I knew I had lost him the moment I died. The pressure in my chest made it hard to breath and I couldn’t stop thinking about the dream-kiss. 

Something was drawing me towards him and I was just too tired to defeat it. I got to my feet and walked over. I felt my heart pounding in my throat as I rested my forehead at his back, closing my eyes. He stopped in his motion and sighed. The weariness spread in my body and I closed my arms around his body to keep me up. I have never noticed that he was my pillar of strength. He was the root for all I had been. He was the cause for all the problems in my life and he was the one who saved me from drowning in them. Now I knew that the undefined feeling creeping up my spine so often during the last days of my life had been love. I really was in love with him and it destroyed me. How could I hope for a happy ending, with me being dead and him deeply in love with his wife. I felt dirty to take advantage of his unawareness but I couldn’t find the strength to release him. It was selfish but I needed him this one time. 

Gibbs hadn’t moved an inch since I touched him. He was breathing in slowly, the slicer in his hands still pressed to the wood. 

“Are you still here?” Gibbs' voice was low and broken. “You know I can feel you, sometimes I can even smell you.” 

A shiver ran through my body and carried on through his. I felt sick and even more dirty.

“Tony,” His words struck me like lighting and tears filled my eyes. “I miss you.” 

I pulled him closer as my mind tried to understand that he really meant me. He breathed in deeply as he cupped my hands on his stomach. Tears ran down my cheeks as Gibbs let his head sink to the rib in front of him. I stepped back and let my arms fall limp to the side. My hands trembled and my knees were weak. His head shot up and he turned around. Sadness crossed his face and he went right through me and grabbed a bottle from his workbench. Before I could stop him he had drowned the whole bottle and sunk to the floor. He rested his head on the hard wood of the bench and sighed. 

“I still can’t believe you are dead.” He mumbled and closed his eyes. I sat next to him and stared at the bullet. After a while his head felt to the side and I rested it on my thigh. I let my fingers run through his hair. 

“Tony.” Gibbs muttered and suddenly the energie struck through me anew. 

I was standing in the basement while Gibbs was sanding the ribs of the boat. He looked over his shoulder and smiled his annoying half smile. 

“Do you want to give it a try?” Gibbs smirked and I couldn’t resist to walk over. He handed me the slicer and I placed it on the wood. His arms came around me and cupped my hands on the tool. He started to move it up and down and I could feel the muscles in his torso rub over my back. I saw the movement in his arms and I could smell the mixture of coffee and sawdust, what always had been Gibbs. I closed my eyes and felt him kissing my neck from my ear down towards my collarbone. I turned as much as possible, still holding the tool and pressed my lips to his. I felt him smile and warmth spread within me. 

All at once, I stopped and couldn’t suppress laughter. The whole situation reminded me of the scene in Ghost where Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze were working clay. Gibbs took his hands down and let them rest on my hips. I shifted around and looked into a puzzled face. I dropped the slicer to the ground and pulled him closer. 

“I love you. I really love you.” I said and kissed him. His smile became bigger and he answered “Dito.” 

I was so pleased that he had gotten  _ this  _ movie quote. He braced himself on the boat as he leaned into me and his lips slowly caressed mine. I felt the passion inside burn and let my hands wander along his back and down to his ass.

I felt his hard cock pressed to my thigh and shivered in anticipation. Gibbs kissed and licked down my neck and towards my chest while he opened my shirt buttons one by one. I closed my eyes to enjoy his touches completely, not able to move any muscle. Gibbs kissed down my lucky path as he opened my slags. His lips wandered slowly along the soft skin of my thighs while shoving my pants down to the floor. I felt the fabric of my boxers slide along my skin down to my ankles, too. His hands moved along my thighs and left a burning sensation on my skin. I gasped as he took my cock in his mouth. I was already about to explode. He sucked my arousal in deep. The play of his tongue on my cock let it twitch and I groaned with need. I felt his lips move up and down my sensitive skin and nearly lost my mind. I grabbed the rib of the boat next to me to try keeping myself up as my knees buckled under the rising sensation Gibbs caused within me. 

He swallowed around me while his fingers slowly found the way to my entrance. He massaged the tight ring of muscles and a loud moan escaped my mouth. Gibbs’ tongue flicked over my tip as his finger entered me. A constant stream of pleading words bubbled out of my mouth as I fisted into Gibbs’ hair. It seemed as if every single one of his touches made a bomb explode inside me. He stretched and opened me maddeningly slow up while his lips still moved up and down my shaft. His tongue licked along my member, while his finger slid in and out of me. I desperately tried to hold it together. It was a useless attempt as Gibbs added a second digit. He curled them inside me and massaged my prostate. I felt the need gathering in my groin and stopped his mouth from moving. I collected myself while his fingers still drove into me at a slow pace. I looked down at him and was greeted with a dirty smile and lust filled blue eyes. Gibbs bit his lips as he let his unoccupied hand run over my abs. God, I was doomed. 

“Gosh, just fuck me now.” I pulled him up as he just added his third digit. He still smirked at me with lust widened eyes as his fingers curled inside me. I conquered his mouth while I freed his hard member. I tasted myself as his tongue caressed mine. He lifted me up and pressed me against the rib of the boat. My legs closed around his hips and I felt his muscles pressing me even harder against the wood in my back. A tornado of butterflies inflamed my body as his tip rubbed over my hole. He slowly entered me and it felt like the butterflies would explode. His cock filled me inch by inch and I dug my nails deep in his shoulders. As he was completely inside me, he stilled his movements. His intense gaze bared his soul and I could see him, everything he was and would be. His fears, his dreams, his sorrow. I let my forehead sink to his and closed my eyes. He bent his head and kissed me lovingly. His shaft twitched inside me and I moaned deeply. 

Gibbs pressed his lips to my forehead and whispered, “I love you.”

The moment his words registered in my brain he started to move and all at once my head was useless. His strokes were long and deep and let my insides tremble. His hands dug into the flesh of my buttocks as he drove into me. The need constantly billowed through my body and doubled with every movement of his cock. I briefly noticed his breath becoming ragged and felt him moving faster and harder. My muscles burned and twitched and I was just about to go over the edge as he stilled completely. All I could do was groan in protest. His forehead glistened in the dim light of the basement and his dark eyes focused on me. A small smile tugged on his lips as he took in every detail of me. His lips conquered mine once again and I could feel love and passion seep into his kiss. 

He carried me over to the work bench and with one smooth movement he cleared it, laying me down on top of it. I still could feel his cock thrusting in tiny movements, while he gazed into my eyes. I pulled him down to kiss him again and whispered low and threatening, “If you don’t move now I'm gonna kill you.” 

Gibbs smiled cruelly and sucked my neck. His arousal slowly moved in and out, hitting my prostate with every stroke. He held me close to his chest and buried his face in my neck. I heard him moaning my name and my heart burst. All my emotions coiled in the base of my cock and it started to twitch uncontrollably. He raised the pace as he straightened himself and pounded hard into me. The moment Gibbs began to stroke my shaft, I was drowning in an ocean of reconciliation and ecstasy. Every single wrong piece inside me found its place and every dark spot was illuminated. Happiness and satisfaction colored my soul and an energy of pure love spread though my nervesystem.

As I came back down, I felt more at peace than ever in life and death. 

I relished the feeling of Gibbs pushing into me. He still had his hand around my member, while his movements became harder and lost their rhythm. With another few thrusts, he went over the edge, moaning my name anew. He collapsed on top of my chest still pushing softly into me until his ecstasy died down.

We stayed like this until his cock slipped out of me. I managed to sit up a little with Gibbs still resting on my chest. I kissed his hair and smiled down on him. He was panting and I could see a satisfied grin on his face. 

Gibbs slowly let himself fall to the ground and patted the floor next to him. I looked down seeing his closed eyes and smutty grin and joined him on the surprisingly warm floor. 

I felt safe and protected in his arms while we were laying on the dusty ground. As I heard his heartbeat slowly calm down, sadness rose in me. 

“Hey, would you promise me something?” I dropped a kiss on his chest and fixed my eyes on his. 

“Sure, hon.” He caressed my back and held my gaze. 

“When you are back in the real world, don’t try to harm yourself again.” I could see a change on his face. He turned away and sat up.

“I don’t want to live like this.” He moved his neck while I straightened up as well. “You can’t imagine how life is when you lost someone you love.” He closed his eyes and I pulled him into my arms. 

“How did you manage it before?” I asked softly and let my finger slide up and down his arm. 

“What do you mean?” He looked bewildered at me and I got the feeling I missed something again. 

“You lost Shannon and Kelly a long time ago and you made it to the day I died. I’m sorry my death tore open the old wounds.” Anger twinkled in his eyes and I knew I said something wrong.

“Right, I buried them long ago and I still love them but your death didn’t tear old wounds open.” He paused for a second. “It added a whole lot of new ones. Enough for me to wish I would finally be dead, too.” He freed himself and got to his feet. “How could you even think that it was not about you after this!” 

He gestured between us and I felt numb. I didn’t even consider the opportunity that this was more than just a strange dream for Gibbs. I actually never thought about the meaning the dreams could have for him. I just took them gladly as a chance to be near him. I simply had forgotten that this was one of his dreams and not mine.

Suddenly, I was leaning against the bench as Gibbs stirred in my lap. My mind was bleak and I had trouble breathing. All I could see were the piercing blue eyes burned into my brain. The look of reproach. The expression of pure disappointment. 

This had been the worst of all times for him to wake up. I desperately wished he would have granted me some more minutes to at least clear the mess I made.

Gibbs had gotten himself in a sitting position. His knees pulled to his body and his arms on top of them. He let his forehead sink to his knees and I could hear a long sigh. 

“Tony, I love you. Never question that again.” It was barely a whisper but it anyway reached my ears and pierced my heart. I crouched in front of him and let my hand rest on his head. He looked up and I dropped a small kiss to his lips before I vanished.


	5. My Second Chance

#  My Second Chance

I was in the right mood to have a look for Stan. As I appeared in his apartment I noticed gladly that he had fallen asleep again. With a dark smile on my face I touched his head. A flash of energy and...

I had to gag as I saw him pounding into Cait, doggy style. 

“Oh, c’mon, Stan. Are you serious?” I asked in disgust and saw him jump off of her and covering himself with a sheet. “I mean, really, this is Cait!”

I shook my head to get rid of the images as dream-Cait vanished.

“What do you want.” His voice was dripping with fear and I grinned evil. 

“I told you I’d come to beat the shit out of you.” Within a split second, I grabbed him at his throat and pushed him up the wall. His feet wriggled mere inches above the ground and I could hear him wheeze. 

“I’m your worst nightmare.” I whispered into his ear, increasing the pressure to his throat. This was nearly as good as the sex I had a few moments ago. I fixed my eyes on his, watching him slowly choke. I could see his pupils dilating. He wiggled more and more in my grip, tearing at my hands. I enjoyed the panic on his face for just another second before I let him drop to the floor. He coughed and wheezed, clawing at his throat. 

“So Stany-boy. Are you going to tell me today or do I have to come back again and again and again?” I had freed my dark side and it felt so good. 

“I… I… Tony… Sorry.” He choked out and I kicked him into his stomach. He groaned and wound on the ground. I couldn't deny that I was enjoying it. 

“Okay, you're sorry. That is helping. You know, me being dead and all.” I kicked him again and he spit blood. I pulled him up by his hair and asked once more, “Are you going to tell me?” 

“I needed the money. A well-known arms dealer paid me a fortune. But he promised that no one would be harmed.” I sneered about this sentence but let him go on. “He said he already had a buyer for the missiles. They weren’t supposed to appear on the internet. It wasn’t the plan that you died. I just told the idiot to leave.” 

He coughed and rattled. 

“Oh my, thank you. I’m glad my death was just an unfortunate coincidence. Now I feel better.” I couldn’t hold back the sarcasm. 

“That is all I know. Tony, believe me, I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to die.” He looked up at me with tears in his eyes and I was about to let him go as he added, “Please don’t hurt me anymore.” 

This little asshole was just afraid of the next round. I smiled friendly at him and pulled him to his feet. The relief in his eyes vanished as I punched into his face. He slipped to the ground again and I sat on his chest.

“Did you really believe it would be over? You fucking killed me!” I screamed as I hit his face again and again. I could see the blood spill and I briefly noticed his facial bones fracture under my fists but I couldn’t stop. Blind rage had occupied my mind and body. 

As I finally stopped his face was completely swollen and bloody, not even his mother would have recognized him. My hands were spiked with bone splinters and as bloody as his face. 

“Tony.” He whimpered and suddenly I was standing in his apartment, touching his head. He woke with a start and pawed his face. I let my hand fall to my side as a dark smile curled my lips. What an asshole. 

I wrote ‘Better you turn yourself in, love Tony!’ on a notepad and draped it on the coffee table, while Stan was in the bathroom.

My smile remained on my face as I materialized next to Fornell’s bed. I turned on the alarm clock next to his head and the nasty sound let him sit up straight within seconds. 

I shared most of the events that happened while I was at Stan’s place. I only left out the mindless beating I did. Fornell listened intently to all of my words and after a short pause he got into motion. 

“I’ll take care of this. He and the rest of them will go behind bars for a long time.” He growled as he got dressed. 

“Thanks, Tobias. I’m glad you were the one hearing me.” I vanished before he could return his surly impolite answer.

I breathed in deeply as I eyed Gibbs’ garden and let me drop into the chair. It felt as if a weight was lifted off of my shoulders and I really could enjoy the warmth of the rising sun for the first time ever.

Shannon appeared next to me in the chair, followed by Kelly, who climbed into my lap and curled up in my arms. I smirked at Shannon and placed a kiss on Kelly’s hair. 

“I’m proud of you, Tony.” Shannon said and smiled back at me. “You really cleared the mess.” 

I was touched but didn’t know what to say so I kept silent. She let her hand rest on mine and squeezed it for a second. We stayed like this for a while and I was able to shake the lingering fear and sorrow for the moment. 

“And now?” I asked, watching the elder bush slightly move in the wind. 

“I don’t know.” Shannon sighed. “I guess we have to wait and see.” 

“Actually, I don’t care. Even if I will stay here, it’s okay.” I wasn’t sure if I wanted to leave Gibbs alone at all. The attempted suicide and his general condition made me fear the moment I would have to move to ‘the city’. 

We stayed on the porch until the sun slowly sunk. It felt peaceful and I was just content with me and the world. I asked Shannon about her time with Gibbs and their deaths and she led me to a whole new world of Gibbs. It was hard to imagine that he had been a loving father and husband. For me he was always kind of grumpy and closed off. 

“DiNotzo, are you here?” Fornell’s impatient voice pulled me out off the cellar in my mind I had vanished in for the last hours.

“Yeah, I’m here. Gibbs’ family is here as well.” I returned and looked at the hand on mine. 

“Hell, I was running around the house to find you. Do you know how damn silly I felt.” Fornell grumbled and I chuckled about the pictures forming in my head. 

“That’s not funny.” He barked and crossed his arms in front of his chest as he stepped further onto the deck. 

“Do you have news?” I asked after my laughter died down. 

“We found the transfer and enough evidence so we could arrest Stan. He is talking nonstop, giving us names and bank accounts. I’m sure we get the rest soon.” Fornell cleared his throat and looked sternly into the garden. “He is always mumbling something like ‘I tell everything if you just keep Tony away.’ Do you know something about that?” 

I laughed again and answered, “Not a thing.” 

“Tobias what are you doing here?” Suddenly Gibbs was standing on the threshold, eyeing him with irritation. 

“I… um… I… I was just looking for you.” Fornell’s face turned slightly red as he stummered his reply. 

“I was in the basement.” Gibbs quirked an eyebrow. “Would have thought this would be your first choice, while looking for me.”

I couldn’t hold back a chuckle and Fornell’s eyes flickered angry in my direction. 

“He is right, Tobias.” I said and my chuckle morphed into a fit of laughter as I saw his jaw tighten. I just loved to torture him. Shannon smacked my hand but couldn’t hold back a grin as well. 

“I guess so.” Fornell gritted out.

“So then why are you in my garden, talking to yourself?” Gibbs’ features had softened and left only open interest behind.

“We arrested a suspect in Tony’s case.” I must admit it was a clever move to change the subject like this but Gibbs' face darkened and I could feel the aggression in the air. 

“Who?” His voice was low and threatening and Kelly looked up in fear. I pulled her closer to sooth her and her hands dug deep into the cotton of my dress shirt. 

“Stan Burley. He is testifying against his accessories.” Gibbs looked at Fornell for a second and vanished into his kitchen. “Gibbs? Gibbs!? What are you up to?”

I had the same suspicion and was already up setting Kelly to the ground as Fornell called my name. 

“Stay here.” I said and went looking for Gibbs. 

I found him in the basement, freeing a rifle from dust. I went over and let one hand rest on his shoulder and the other on the rifle, causing him to slowly let it sink to the workbench. 

“He will die. He has to die.” His voice was shaking and I could see his eyes water. “He killed you. He took you away.” 

I took the rifle out of his hands, causing him to brace himself on the bench, taking in a deep breath. I closed my arms around him resting my head on his back. 

“Fuck!” A shiver ran through his body. “Fine. I won’t do it.” 

I kissed his neck and let the wave of relief wash over me. We stayed like this until Fornell appeared on the top of the stairs.

“Everything okay?” He asked and I was sure it was meant for me more than for Gibbs. 

“Yeah, we are fine.” I answered as I let go of Gibbs. Tears ran down his face and Fornell looked devastated at his old friend. 

“You know, Jethro, I’m sure Tony is fine wherever he is.” Fornell came down the stairs and was now standing in the middle of the room, looking like he didn’t know what to do next. 

“Tell him, he should just go on. We all are fine and will wait for him.” As I heard Fornell echo my words I knew even if I would stay here I couldn’t do that to Gibbs anymore. He needed to get over it and my presence wasn’t helping. I would bow out and I felt resignation and acceptance sink in. 

Gibbs had turned away from Fronell. I caressed down his arm and finally eased them apart. I gazed into his eyes, letting my hand rest on his cheek. He pressed into my touch and I kissed him tenderly for the last time. 

I was crying as I appeared on the deck again. Kelly ran to me and I scooped her up. She let her head rest on my shoulder and patted my back.

“I hate it when you are sad. Daddy is so said, too. Why can’t we all be happy.” She hugged me closer.

“We will, sweety. Not now but one day.” I sat down in my chair, placing her on my lap again and Shannon let her hand move through my hair. 

“You said goodbye, didn’t you?” Her smile was pitiful and I just nodded. “It’s always hard to say goodbye to the one you love.” 

The sadness in her eyes matched mine and we all sat there watching the play of light while the sun was vanishing completely. The darkness of the night slowly wrapped around us and the stars seemed to call my name. I had totally lost myself in the sight of the night as a light emerged from one of the stars.

“What is that?” I asked using my hand to shield my eyes.

“This is the ‘news station’.” Shannon answered. “You are going back.” 

As her words sunk in, I stared at her in disbelief. I hadn’t heard anything. 

“I do what?” My mind wasn’t working and my hands started to tremble as the light faded away. 

“You weren’t supposed to be here in the first place so you are going back where you belong.” Her brilliant smile let me feel loved and secure. Then joy spread in my body as my mind finally wrapped around her words and if it hadn't been for Kelly in my lap, I would have kissed her. 

“Just promise me to use your second chance, properly.” Sadness colored her eyes for a second before she squeezed my hand again. “He really loves you. Make him happy. He deserves it.” 

My heart clenched and my mind stuttered to a halt. All the happiness merged into guilt.

“You should go back. He deserves you two.” I closed my eyes as Shannon leaned over to drop a kiss to my cheek. 

“You know, your big heart is one of the things he needs the most. Even if we would want to, we couldn’t go back. Our flight was planned and announced in 1991.” 

“But-” I tried to intervene but Shannon stopped me with a simple gaze. “Just use your second chance and be aware that we are by your side.” 

I wasn’t sure if it was a threat or meant reassuring but the twinkle in her eyes gave me the impression that it was supposed to be exactly this confusing. 

“And you sure are okay with me and Gibbs?” I couldn’t look into her eyes. It felt so wrong and I feared her answer because I would have understood if she wasn’t. 

“Tony,” Her voice was soft and she lifted my head up, her eyes fixed on mine. “I couldn’t wish for more. Just make him happy.” 

Out of nowhere golden light emerged from the moon and filled me with happiness. 

“C’mon love, Tony has to go now.” Shannon lifted Kelly out of my lap and the little girl looked with sad blue eyes at me. 

“I don’t want you to go.” Tears ran down her cheeks as she took my hand. 

“Hey, sweety. Don’t cry.” I dried her cheeks and dropped a kiss on one. “I’ll be back soon. You will see Daddy and I will land in no time.” 

“We will wait for you two.” Shannon smiled as the light became brighter and I felt like I would be turned inside out. It was as if I was disassembled and recomposed in alternation. I was hot and cold, happy and sad, big and small everything at the same time. I was falling through time and space and felt as if I was sitting in the chair simultaneously. It was simply one of the worst feelings in my life and death.

As I opened my eyes, I was still sitting on Gibbs’ porch. I felt Kelly’s hand in mine and breathed in deeply. I struggled to handle the confusing journey through whatever it was and to know Kelly and Shannon were still by my side calmed me down a bit. It took quite a while until I was able to relax completely but I could finally manage it and leaned back in the seat.

“Sweety, you are always welcome here.” I felt my hand be squeezed and then I could feel that they were gone. I looked at the elder bush and was sure I’d miss them badly. I ruffled my hair and shook my head. How could dead people I didn’t know before just conquer my heart in no time and leave me behind with a huge grief inside my soul.

“DiNozzo, what are you doing here?” Gibbs' voice echoed through my ears and I jumped to my feet. 

“Gibbs!” I nearly shouted in excitement. I ran over and hugged him. I felt his heartbeat, his warmth and was about to kiss him as he pushed me an arms length away to eye me.

“Are you drunk?” His eyes became slits and I noticed that he looked good. In fact he looked so much better than in weeks. I struggled to understand what had happened as my phone beeped. I pulled it out of my pocket and saw the date. It was the day of my former death. As I realised that he looked so much better because the last weeks never had happened, I was relieved. Gibbs never went through the hurt and sorrow, he never suffered my loss. He never… was in love with me. My heart clenched and I felt my blood drain from my face. 

“DiNozzo!” Gibbs barked and I nearly dropped my phone. 

“Listen, boss. We need to check Burleys bank account. He is involved in the case.” He looked at me like I had gone nuts and I actually felt like it too. I was wondering if all of it was an alcohol infused dream but I wasn’t willing to risk it. At least it was a question of life or death. My life or death.

“Please, trust me.” I added and he sighed deeply.

“I wish I could.” He let his shoulders drop and turned to go. “I will die if we meet with the vendor.” 

He stopped in his movement and watched me over his shoulder. I took a deep breath and went on. “I already went through all of this. I will die. You will be devastated. And in the end Fornell has to operate as a medium to solve the mess.” 

A short smile tugged on his lips but it was gone as fast as it appeared. 

“You really are drunk, aren’t you?” He shook his head and I felt a warm gust blowing through my fingers as a leaf danced slowly to the ground. 

“Okay, Gibbs. I can understand that you think like this but...” I took another deep breath in preparation for the things to come. “I met your girls. Kelly stole my heart within seconds.” 

I smiled down to the leaf floating around my feet. I could sense her and was glad she helped me. 

“And Shannon is so beautiful and loving. I can-” Gibbs had grabbed my collar and pulled me close.

“How do you know.” He growled threateningly and I could see his clenched fist, raised ready to punch me. 

“I was dead for three and a half weeks. They helped me and sent me back to help you.”

With closed eyes I was waiting for the blow to my face but it didn’t come. Gibbs released my shirt and simply stared at me. 

“I would swear you are drunk but that doesn't explain your knowledge about Shannon and Kelly.” His gaze was cold and I involuntarily shivered. I could still feel the anger radiating from him.

“I can understand that you don’t want to believe me. How could you?” I trailed off, not sure if I wanted to know the answer to the next question.

“But… Are you sure, you want to endanger my life?” My eyes were fixed to the ground. I couldn't bring myself to look in those damn cold ones lingering on me. It felt like the minutes stretched into hours, while Gibbs didn’t even move a muscle.

“You can fire me, if I’m wrong. “ I offered in a helpless attempt to convince him. The silence was deafening and my gut tightened into knots. 

I wasn’t sure how to proceed and couldn’t walk away either. 

Gibbs sighed deeply and I felt like running.

After long minutes he pulled out his phone and hit speed dial number five. He ordered McGee to check Stan’s bank account and hung up. 

“You better go, now.” He said as he vanished into the darkness of his home. I couldn’t help but wonder how easy I was able to force back my desire and love for the man and just fall back into old habits. It struck me like a lightning as I realised I had done this for quite a time now but wasn't able at this time to identify the emotions, I now knew were love and desire.

I called a cab and went back to my apartment. I got another 4 hours until my time of death, so I decided for a shower and a hot coffee. The hot water felt healing and eased some of the tension out of my muscles. I was just about to rest on my couch as someone banged on my door. To my surprise I found Gibbs in front of it. 

“McGee actually found some irregularities within Stan’s finances. The meeting with the vendor is canceled.” He barely looked at me as he spoke. 

“Thank, god. I didn’t want to die again.” I returned softly as I stepped aside to let him inside. Deep down in my stomach I had known that I would die again for him but it was a huge relief I didn’t have to.

He hesitated for a second and then walked in. I went to my liquor cabin and got the bourbon out. I was sure it was needed soon and I longed for a drink since I had died. 

“That means we have the weekend, doesn’t it?” I held up the bottle and two glasses. Gibbs sat down in my armchair and let his annoying half smile show. As I saw him like this my heart melted and I wished he could at least remember us. I filled the glasses and got comfy on the couch. We sipped the bourbon in silence until Gibbs suddenly fixed his gaze on me. 

“I don’t know if you have actually met them or not. I don’t know if I can really believe you but I want to, because that would mean they are safe.” His eyes wandered to his glas and he watched the liquid move around in it. ”Are they safe?

“Yes.” My answer was as simple as short and followed by more silence. I could hear my clock ticking and with every second passing the longing inside me grew. 

“I buried them a long time ago.” Gibbs suddenly said and I got badly reminded of the conversation in his basement as I thought he was in this bad condition because of them. I had to close my eyes for a second, fighting the tears and the rising bail in my throat. 

“I know.” I rasped out and Gibbs rubbed his face. 

“I still have trouble getting the facts straight.” He sighed. “You died as you met the vendor?”

“He shot me.” I nodded, glad about the distraction. We went through the whole story three times except for the part about me and Gibbs. I just wasn’t able to tell him something like this. 

“You know with lovers it could be a bad cover of Ghost.” My mask slipped for a brief moment as I stared at him. “It’s a movie about a guy-” 

“I know.” I held up my hand to avoid my personal pottery-scene replaying in my head. “But how do you know?” I asked and tried to hide behind a smirk.

“It was Shannon’s favorite movie before she died. I had to watch it like a thousand times.” Gibbs ginned into his bourbon and sipped a bit. “She always said it reminded her that life is short and I shouldn’t waste my time.”

As he let his eyes rest on me, my heart stopped for a second. I recognised the way he looked at me. It was the same searching look he had on his face moments before he kissed me the first time. I closed my eyes to avoid his gaze and breathed in deeply. My mind was fighting my heart and I just couldn't bring myself to avoid the upcoming memory of our first kiss. A kiss that never had happened. 

“You alright?” I could hear concern in his voice but was still occupied with the war inside me. A flood of images washed over me and I saw the beginning of a relationship that never would exist. 

‘Tony, I love you. Never question that again.’ 

I could hear his voice crystal clear in my ears and was wondering if the words were still true. I opened my eyes and gazed at him. I knew my face was as blank as his but I couldn’t hold the emotions out of my eyes. 

“Are we wasting our time?” Was all I could ask, all my fear would let me admit. I got up, not really sure what to do next. The anxiety in my chest made me restless and I felt my heartbeat in my throat. Gibbs didn’t reveal any thought or emotion, he just stared at me with his searching gaze.

“No.” He answered slowly and I turned to go, feeling the urgent need to leave. “We do good. Protect the world.”

Gazing over my shoulder I only nodded in resignation. I felt numb and the emotional hurricane had suddenly died down. 

“Tony?” I was nearly at my door as his hand grabbed my shoulder. My feet immediately refused to walk on and again I felt my heartbeat in my throat. 

“What’s wrong?” Gibbs' voice was soft and let goosebumps appear on my skin. How was I supposed to tell him. All I got was a searching gaze and to be honest Gibbs was the master of searching gazes. 

I soaked in the warmth of his hand on my shoulder and freed myself. 

“Nothing.” I said without even turning and left my apartment. 


	6. My Life

#  My Life

I felt a dark smile appear on my face as the elevator opened and I saw Gibbs escorting Stan in handcuffs right into the direction of the interrogation room. The expression of pure fear on Burley’s face let satisfaction spread inside me and I leaned back in my chair to fully enjoy it. It had taken long enough to see this bastard in handcuffs. A whole week had passed before they had gathered all the evidence they needed to make the case bulletproof.

“You look quite content with yourself, Tony.” Cait rolled her eyes as she took a seat behind her desk pulling me out of my thoughts. 

“I am.” I smirked at her and tossed a paper ball into a bin a few meters away. 

“Aren’t you at least a bit upset?” She looked as if she had sympathy for him. 

“No.” I tossed another paper ball and then leaned forward with an impish grin on my face. “And you also wouldn’t be if I would tell you about his secret dream.” 

She scrutinised me with a dark expression on her face. 

“Spill it, Tony!” She growled and I felt the satisfaction rise to new heights. 

“He dreamt about you hooking up with him in some dirty alley. But to his defence he would have brought you in a cheap motel before he shows you how to ride the bull.” Her face reddened and I could nearly see steam coming out of her ears. 

“How would you know?” She asked, trying to be nonchalant but failed badly. I leaned back, anew and grinned.

“He told me, more than once. I could nearly picture it.” I folded my arms behind my head and enjoyed her anger. 

“Oh, this dirty bastard is so dead!” She got to her feet and rushed towards the interrogation room as well.

I couldn’t hold back the laughing fit as I watched her go. 

I finished my reports and waited for the end of work. It had been a slow day and after everything was done I had time to think.

For me all the hurt and pain Stan had caused was as real as the pen on my desk, even though in this world it never had happened. I still was haunted by the devastated Gibbs or the pictures of Stan’s destroyed face. I still could feel Kelly in my lap when I sat in a chair and see Shannon’s red hair glittering in the sunlight. I missed them badly and grieved their deaths.

I did die on the old fabric site and would never forget the following three and a half weeks, even though no one could understand. 

Gibbs and I had decided to keep my experience as a secret in order to avoid dumb questions but to be honest I think he just couldn’t really believe me and tried to protect me from the loony bin. 

For the rest of the day, I saw the others bustle around me. It felt like a daydream and I wasn’t able to participate in it. The events of the past had worn me out and I felt as lost and lonely as before my death. 

I sighed in relief as Gibbs ordered us home and obeyed gladly. 

My apartment was dark and empty and as I sank on my couch a sudden insight struck through my mind. In the weeks of my death I was more loved and less lonely as in the years of my living. 

The thought was painful and I felt as if I wasted my whole life. 

I closed my eyes and weariness soon let me fall into an uneasy sleep.

The wind caressed my skin as I sat on the deck of Gibbs’ house. A smile tugged on my lips as I saw Shannon sitting next to me. She was watching Kelly playing in the garden and my fear and loneliness was chased away by a feeling of love and happiness. 

As soon as Kelly saw me she squealed in delight and ran over to me. I hugged her close and lifted her into my lap. 

“Hey sweety. I missed you.” 

“I missed you, too.” She cuddled closer and sighed comfortably.

“Tony, what are you doing?” Shannon's voice was hard and kind of angry. In surprise I looked over and her reproachful gaze let me shiver slightly. 

“I don’t like this expression either.” Kelly whispered, “It always means I’m in trouble.” 

Her words didn’t help to avoid the upcoming gulit. Only problem; I didn't know what I’ve done wrong. 

“What do you mean? We got the bad guys and all is sorted.” I answered innocently.

“Didn’t I ask you to use your chance properly? Didn’t I ask you to make him happy? What are you doing here?” 

“Shan, I…” I halted, not knowing what to say. Her eyes were still fixed on mine and I wasn’t able to force away the emotions inside me. “Shan, I’m scared. He can’t remember a thing. Can’t remember us. Nothing of it had happened and we are just back to the point where he is disappointed and angry about me and I’m trying to forget while getting damn drunk.”

“For god sake, Tony! Do you really think he had magically fallen in love with you only because you died. He is as much in love with you as he was after your death. He is a stubborn, grumpy and closed off bastard! He would never show. He would rather die than make the first move. I thought you were the smart one!” Shannon had gotten up and was plain furious, now. “I don’t understand you men. Always pretending to be the strong one, always on the way to conquer the world but then in the most important moments chickening out like little children.”

I stared at her pacing up and down, while she vented her spleen. She nearly screamed and Kelly whispered “You are doomed.” into my ear. 

Shannon’s words only sunk in slowly. But I had to admit, she might be right. I felt silly and embarrassed. 

“Get your stupid ass to him and make it right!” She had stopped right in front of me, staring right into my eyes with an undoubted demand in her gaze. 

“I… Fine…” I sighed in resignation even though I was still scared. I closed my eyes to gather my strength and as I opened them again I saw the dark ceiling of my apartment. I blinked a few times to sort my mind and got up. Shannon really was right and I had nothing to lose. If Gibbs wasn’t in love with me I at least had tried. I could still drink myself stupid afterwards, anyway.

My courage slowly faded away on the way to Gibbs. I tried to stick to the memories of the kiss and repeated Shannon’s words in my mind over and over again but as I reached his front door, I hesitated. I was just too damn scared of his reaction. 

It felt like hours as I stared at the wood in front of me. I couldn’t go further than to rest my hand on the knob of the door. 

I could see the paint peeling off here and there and slowly my heartbeat rose to my throat. All I had to do was turn the knob and walk in but my body refused to work. Shannon’s roasting echoed through my ears and I smiled bitterly as I was about to ‘chicken out like a little child’. 

I twitched as the door suddenly swung open and Gibbs looked at me with curiosity. 

“Why are you standing outside my door for nearly an hour, DiNozzo?”

As I saw his blue eyes calmly watching me I just grabbed him at his collar and pressed my lips to his. I felt him slowly returning the kiss and a thousand butterflies appeared in my tummy. I had closed my eyes and just drowned in the feeling of his lips on mine. 

I backed away glad I had at least this moment.

“Tony, what the-” Gibbs looked gobsmacked and his voice trembled slightly. 

“I love you, okay! Do whatever you want now, fire me, banish me, but I love you.” I let go of his shirt and needed all my strength not to run and hide. He opened his mouth but didn’t say a word. His eyes flickered between my eyes and my lips and I had never seen him so stunned. 

We both panted hard and my indsides felt as they were turning inside out. 

Gibbs’ eyes narrowed and a half-smile appeared on my face. I felt acceptance calming my insides. 

“It’s okay.” I smiled at him and took his hand in mine. I lifted it up and placed a short kiss on his knuckles, never taking off my gaze off the blue eyes. I turned to go. At least I had tried. I released him and was about to leave but he was still holding my hand. I looked back and saw Gibbs staring at our joined hands. We both stared at them for a few moments and as our eyes met again my heart burst. 

Within a split second he had pulled me close and conquered my lips, all I could do was surrender. 

He pulled me in, closing the door behind us. I felt Gibbs’ tongue lick over my lips and willingly let him in, while he pressed me against the next wall. I groaned as I felt his body be pressed against me. 

His tongue fought with mine and his hands roamed over my torso. 

I desperately teared on his clothes, not really able to form one single reasonable thought. All I could think of was his cock rubbing over my thigh while his tongue occupied my mouth.

Gibbs backed away, smiling. He still had pressed me to the wall and gazed into my eyes. He ground his member into my groin and with a smutty grin eased himself away from me. 

I stared after him as he made his way up the stairs and couldn’t bring myself to move. My shaft was still twitching in my pants and my mind wasn’t able to work. 

“Are you coming?” His voice slowly registered in my brain and I was up the stairs in no time. 

Gibbs turned as I entered his bedroom and I pinned him to the mattress as fast as I could. I sat on top of him, holding his arms above his head. His eyes twinkled in amusement and I couldn’t do anything else but kiss him senseless. I dropped kisses all over his skin while I slid his shirt up and over his head. He closed his arms around me and got into a sitting position kissing me again. My shirt was ripped open and I could feel his chest on mine. I still straddled him while his hands roamed over my bare back. We broke apart for air and I gazed into his eyes and drowned in them. I conquered his mouth again and could hear him groan. 

I felt the rest of my shirt being pushed off my shoulders and in a sudden move Gibbs lifted me up and spun us around. He hovered over me, watching me. I panted hard and starved for more. 

“Oh, god.” He growled and bent down to kiss my lips and down my neck. I closed my eyes, relishing the feel of his touch all over my skin. His fingers found my fly and carefully opened my pants. With a swift move of him, I could feel my pants and boxers being disposed off at once. A cold breeze caressed my already overheated skin. 

My hands followed the lines of his muscles on his back as he kissed his way back up my chest. His knee carefully grinded into my balls and I moaned at the contact. Gibbs sucked at my neck as his hands stroke along my side. 

My head and heart surrendered completely and all I could acknowledge was Gibbs and the way his touches felt. 

“Please…” I begged and forced my eyes open. I heard a slight chuckle and the blue eyes I had fallen in love with came in view. He placed a short kiss on my lips and bent over to the night stand. His knee increased the pressure and his thigh rubbed over my arousal and I let out a deep moan. 

The moment was way too short for my liking but I was rewarded with his tongue licking down my abs. His mouth made his way down towards my twitching and leaking member and I shivered in anticipation. 

As Gibbs’ mouth closed around my tip my insides exploded in a sudden flash of stimulation. My eyes squeezed shut of their own accord and a guttural noise escaped my throat. 

I could feel his lips move up and down my shaft and his tongue licking over my tip. It was even better than in Gibbs’ dream and I had to gather all my strength to not immediately fall apart. 

“Fuck!” I muttered and fisted into the silver hair as Gibbs swallowed me deep. He groaned and the vibrations added a whole new dimension of pleasure to all of it. I could feel his hand caress my torso from time to time while his mouth still satisfied me in unbelievable ways. 

Suddenly, I felt a cold slick finger being pressed between my cheeks. I jumped at the cold and looked down at Gibbs. His blue eyes sparkled amused at me while he was still moving up and down my cock. The sight of that nearly made me come immediately. I watched him lick my shaft and swallow it again while his finger caressed my entrance softly. The combined feeling of sensations let me stop his head, “I’m gonna… stop…!”

Gibbs ginned dirty at me as he crawled back up increasing the pressure of his finger to my hole. He rubbed over it in small circles thrusting in only millimeters, from time to time. 

I shot up and conquered his mouth letting all my pent up emotions seep into the kiss. I groaned into the kiss as he finally entered me, letting his finger slide in and out slowly. He moved his digit inside me and I moaned as he pressed against my sweet spot.

His lips caressed my skin as he prepared me. I could feel his tongue licking over my skin as his finger pleasured me with way too much patience for my liking. I bucked slightly as he added a second digit. He scissored and stretched me while his free hand caressed all the skin it could reach. It felt amazing and I couldn’t wait to feel his cock inside me. His tongue flicked over my nipples as he added a third finger and moaned loudly. The digits thrusted into me rapidly, massaging my sweet spot once and again. I grabbed the sheets tight as my body rebelled in delight. 

“C’mon, Gibbs.” I pleaded, biting my lip in an attempt to hold back another moan. His movements got faster and deeper. 

I stopped Gibbs and pulled him on top of me again. He rested between my legs, his member lingering at my skin. He watched me closely as he bent down to kiss me again. I could feel him inch forward as his tongue caressed mine. His tip squeezed between my cheeks and I finally could feel his cock at my hole. 

“For god's sake, stop teasing and just fuck me.” I growled as I felt his tip linger at my entrance only pressing against my muscles but not entering me. I grabbed Gibbs at his neck and forcefully kissed him to underline my frustration. I felt him chuckle as he pressed just a bit more against me. I was about to smack the back of his head as he finally drove in deep. I flinched on the sudden invasion but as he stilled his movements and gazed thoughtfully into my eyes I just kissed him again and pressed my ass further to his hips. As he started to move slowly, I felt my insides churn and my mind got blown. All I could feel was his cock inside me and all I could see was his eyes piercing into mine. His shaft was gliding in and out of me making me feel free and flying. His hand found the way into my hair and I could feel his finger caress my head. His thumb slid over my cheek and his eyes looked lovingly down at me. Gibbs kissed me slowly. 

He increased the pace of his thrusts, I saw stars appearing in front of my eyes. He pounded hard into me, while he grabbed my hip. I could feel the need gathering in my groin again and loved it. His movements got harder, I could hear him groan deep. He had shut his eyes. He was biting his lip. His strokes got deeper, harder, faster. I moaned. I felt my cock twitch. He was hitting my sweet pot. His breathing got ragged. His thrust became arrhythmic. As I saw him falling apart, pounding into me deep and fast, I loved him even more. The feel of him spilling into me, feeling his arousal twitch inside me let my need boil inside. I took my cock in hand and felt myself going over the edge. My muscles cramped and waves of relief and sweet torture ran through my veins. I could feel Gibbs kissing me and another wave went through me. 

As I slowly came down I looked into those damn blue eyes. With a satisfied smirk on his face he let himself fall next to me. Still panting hard, Gibbs pressed a kiss to my head and pulled me closer to him. I sighed pleased and closed my eyes. This was just perfect. 

“Tony.” His voice was low. “I’m glad you came.” 

“Me, too.” I smiled. “You know it was a bad cover of Ghost.” 

“Eh?” He started to caress my arm and I told him about all the things I couldn’t tell before. He listened patiently and dropped a kiss to my hair from time to time. It felt so good to release all the secrets I had held back and as I ended I was free. Free of all. 

“And then it took you nearly a week to come here?” Gibbs chuckled. “You are a complete fool!” 

I lifted my head and crooked an eyebrow at him. He smiled at me and bent up to place a soft kiss on my lips. 

“Tony, I love you. Never question that again.” This time his voice was tender and loving no hint of sorrow or anger. 

“Never again.” I pressed a kiss to his still bare chest and rested my head on it. 

Sleep came easy and soon I found myself on Gibbs’ deck, anew. 

Shannon was sitting in the chair next to me, again. Her red hair was glittering in the sun and her face was soft and loving. 

“Good boy!” She smiled at me and I couldn't hold back a giant grin. 

“Thanks. I needed that.” 

“I know, Tony.” She let her hand rest on mine and I felt sadness rising inside me. 

“I still wish you would have gotten a second chance.” 

“That wasn’t the plan.” Her smile turned bitter and I could swear there were tears in her eyes. “But as long as you make him happy I’m, too.” 

“You know, I never said thank you for all you did for me.” I interlaced our fingers and squeezed her hand slightly. 

“We didn't do much.”

“You loved me, still love me. This is more than I ever had in life.” 

Kelly appeared in the garden, waving towards us. “C’mon Tony! I want to show you something.”

I got up and pressed a kiss on the red hair, “Thank you.”

I spent the rest of my dream exploring the jungle of Gibbsitonia with my fearless leader Kelly. Our adventures and bravery were well known all around the world and I felt more elated than in years.

The moment I opened my eyes I knew this had been the last time I would see them. I could just feel it. The loss of them hit me hard and I had trouble breathing. Gibbs was still sleeping soundly and I was glad about that. 

I went into the kitchen and turned on the coffee maker. The house was silent and I felt as if I needed some space. 

I went outside and sat on the stairs of the porch, my coffee was steaming in the chilly air. 

A warm gust went through my hair and I looked around, “Hey, sweety.”

The leaves of the bushes rustled in the wind and I was sure she was here. My gaze fell on the elderbush and melancholy filled my insides. 

“You alright?” Gibbs asked and took a seat next to me. 

“Sure. I just miss them.” I blinked and leaned into him. His arm came around me and pulled me closer. 

“Let me tell you, it will get better.” He smiled tenderly at me and I knew he spoke from experience. Gibbs pressed a kiss to my hairline and rested his chin on my head.

“I love you.” I whispered and his arm around my back tightened even more. 

“I love you, too.” 

  
  
  


The end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So folks, that's it! :D  
> I hope you enjoyed it... feel free to leave a comment or kudo... I would like to know what you think!


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